please just tell me your name, mister.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

i'm home on a saturday night. it's been too long since i've stayed home on a weekend night, much less right through the week. i think that shall be my short term goal until semester begins. yes. to stay in for the next couple of weeks. no more squishy mambo and smelling armpits at phuture. no more bobbing heads and random talk at home club. no more substances of intoxication. as much as the destruction has been done, something can be done to at least prevent further damage. actually, at this point, i'm really itching to go to the national stadium's closing down party. my only gripe about it besides the parental's violent objection to me staying out late AGAIN, will be the sweltering heat and potential and very dangerous mud pools on the field. so as much as i'd love to mambo and phuture along with the rest of the nation's young, crazy wild things (and many other desperate boys), at a different and sentimental location, i reckon i'd be happier in front of my computer screen basking in the coolness of air-conditioning. afterall, i do have a mambo playlist.

i'm probably saying all of this because i've had a bad night. in fact, i've not quite been enjoying myself the last few times out, and i have no idea why i keep at it. it's time to join the AA maybe. the start of last night was fantabulous. all the girls were down and we celebrated ms butler's birthday. :)) whoohoo. someone's sweet sweet 20. love love love and more love darling. mwa! the pictures will be up very soon. we parted ways and that was probably a mistake. i shan't go into the painful details of last night's experience. all i can say is, apart from being smashed and talking 10 times more rubbish than ranon and chew combined (they are going to kill me), i felt particularly down. very, would be a bold understatement to say the least.

anyway, today was indriana's (nana) wedding. woke up early with no voice and a splitting headache. instead of taking the mrt, i went along with my dad's brilliant idea of taking 66 to eunos cc. big mistake. the bus passed through the most skanky and dodgy places. it was scary, and i felt like i was on the bus along the streets of bangkok or malaysia. i could deal with the shanty town thing, just not when i'm dressed up for a wedding. after one and a half hours, i finally alighted, only to get lost amidst the streets of bedok reservoir. the heat was a deadly assasin. i could feel myself melting into molecules. so anyway, hung around with ben for a while. rohai finally made his way down after waiting for a cab for 40 minutes, and that poor boy stays in tampines. (oh how i miss him!!) when he got there, he was as mad as i was when i first got there, but the food took away all that fury. we stuffed our faces and hung around, waiting for nana's second costume change. some dungeonites arrived, and others, well, they were on their way from their respective errands. i guessed rohai and i were tired, and we decided to take our leave before the rest arrived. too bad we couldn't take that huge ass dungeon group photo. but all's the same and i say this again, congrats nana on this special day :)).

i feel terribly down. awfully awkwardm, and i don't need alcohol. i need ... an early night. that would probably be best. cheers.

ps. our plans for botak jones and island creamery tomorrow will most likely be shelved. guys, if you're reading this, please let me know what the plans are okay? thanks :)

she waxed lyrical - 8:53 PM

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

i've hardly been at home, hardly been reading. basically hardly been doing anything of actual importance. i feel like a couch potato. this whole gallivanting at night, be it in search of food, alcohol, company or laughter, seems to be taking its toll. i no longer enjoy solitude. i feel myself disintegrating into the grasps of meaningless indulgences. i get scared when i'm alone sometimes. an inexplicably powerful force overwhelms me and i begin to cry. i go to sleep sobbing like a maniac and wake up with eyes as puffy as those of goldfish. i'm truly a wreck in making.

i am not saying that the company hasn't been fantastic over the past week. in fact, it's been awesome. i think it's an internal dysfunction of sorts i'm going through. i won't recount the entire week, partying, alcohol, poker, you probably already get the jist.

so i was out with cenna today and i bumped into a particular person. someone perhaps best left unnamed. he was hand in hand with his newfound love, and i pretended to be unaffected, merely giving that customary look of acknowledgment. nothing more. my eyes betrayed me as they trailed his footsteps down the escalator. and then cenna nudged me, you can do so much better babe. so many others say the same thing. but it still hurts.

she waxed lyrical - 9:33 PM

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Friday, June 22, 2007

i'm too lazy to account for my thoughts, or what's been going on. but assuming there's a substantial amount of readership, i hereby encourage all of you, my readers, to attend this following event.

On Saturday, 30 June 2007, the National Stadium will be transformed into a huge party ground. You'll have soccer from 4pm to 10pm, and from 10pm onwards, the field will be transformed into the biggest ever ZOUK-MAMBO ARENA - Lights Out Party!!! Mambo and Phuture DJs will put up groovy tunes, along with homegrown band Kreuger. It will be wild.

Tickets for the matches are $15. Upon purchasing those tickets, you'll get to go for the Lights Out Party for $10. If I'm not mistaken, the tickets for the Lights Out Party alone costs $15, inclusive of one free drink.

for more information, visit the following address.

http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=1008

be singaporean, join the mambo. HAH. see you there :D

she waxed lyrical - 2:22 PM

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

so the mother woke me up at 7 in the am to go to the hospice to help my uncle transfer my grandfather to his new nursing home. i'm not complaining because i haven't been able to bring myself to visit him on a consistent and regular basis. aging, it's not something i'm good at dealing with. i'm sure many others share the same sentiment. and this is where i must say, i give hospice care nurses, or those carers for the terminally ill and aged, my full respect. it takes a very happy person to do things like that.

the new nursing home was alright. some parts of the facility were pretty dodgy, but we had to make do. the administration office happened to be opposite this room call the rehabilitation room, where members would go in for physio-therapy sessions. so while waiting for the mother and uncle to settle the paperwork, i stood outside. it's been a long long time since i've been surrounded by that many old people. i had to move myself away several times to let wheel chairs past. i felt stares on me - from those passing by and from those in the rehab room. it's almost as if they were making a connection with me and what was once their youth. i was scared - the fear of being one of them. it is my regret that i say this now with so much distance. my uncle initially made a passing comment about how 20% of the population would be like this come 2030. i tried to think of other things, but my mind just kept on going. about how my mum would be 15 years from now, or where i'd be when i got old. i got even more scared, and assured myself that i would not live such a low quality of life - more meaningless cycles while waiting for that eventual death. i'd rather impose death on myself. and then i felt bad. where were my morals. where was my compassion. i am a coward. i am a victim of youth.

on the brighter side of things, today was also Liat hangout day. those in attendance: rohai, iliyas, fio, dell, twinkles, jack and jason. it was a blast. i'm still hungover from that sugar rush. it's been so long since we've done this, our usual coffee dates and not-so-mild bitching sessions. now that some people are working, and with more going to start work, it's harder to meet up. and well, the rest of us bummers can't meet up due to that financial strain. and you ask me why starbucks liat is closing down. bumped into shaun and noelle, i miss them, my interpop crew. there were many random hi's and waves being thrown across the tables in the duration of our presence there. friendster coming to life you say? matin came down and hung out with his brownie thing from dairy queen. that shit looked awesome, but also screamed CALORIES.

i like planning my week, and the last two weeks of june will be hedonistic, lovely and mindblowing. i am coping with things better. cenna just told me she'd be coming over for 4 days. how can i not be happy with life. to you who's been making me so miserable, i have many other yous who make my world swirl. okay that didn't make sense. i'm sleepy. <3 to those who know who they are.

she waxed lyrical - 12:48 AM

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Saturday, June 16, 2007

4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till four in the morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

she waxed lyrical - 7:54 PM

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Recently I've been ranting on and on like a lunatic. En calls me the emo girl, which i say is neither absolutely true nor false. Jenna thinks I'm the friendliest person (note, this is not a case of self-praise). We all have split personalities. We have the inner and the outer being. The naked self that comes through only to the closest of friends, and the many other layers that are put on depending on the social setting. But that's not my point in case.

I've been rather lost of late. I feel my personality decomposing within, if i have any at all. I feel like I'm being ripped apart and scoured by scavengers. Mambo yesterday made me realise how much I've been affected by the quick turn of events that's been going on. Perhaps it's made me aware that I do have plenty of unfinished business. It's bizarre that I cannot tell you, my reader, what exactly they are, for I myself do not know. That as much as I can say to hell with what they think or do, I know I'd mull over it for days on end. Agony, that's what they call it. Anything reminiscent of the past rings in my eardrums like a bittersweet symphony. And when the past collides with the present more often than neccessary, it's time to shut my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. But no matter, it's a haunting presence, the past. There cannot be enough 'letting it out', because now and then, when i look back and think, that's the start of emotional disaster. And maybe the unfinished businesses are better left tucked away in that dusty corner. The further away I move, the better. Singapore is too small. I don't like being connected and traced all so easily. I want to live in a small town in Sicily and never be found.

An awkward moment happened at Mambo yesterday. I shall not delve into details. Let's just say I saw people I didn't want to see. I have to thank an overpacked Zouk for allowing me to pretend I didn't see these individuals. After several nudges, I turned around and gave half-baked smiles. Don't know if the other parties sensed it. Then now I think back and realise, maybe it wasn't such a smart move on my part. Ah, to hell with that.

Met up with Ben and Dell today. :)) The company swung my mood in a gradual upward motion.

Sidenote: I've been told that I have the 'i want to bitchslap/punch you face.' Which I absolutely disagree with.

Sidenote: I am being eaten up by bubbly bits of what may be heat rash or insect bites.

she waxed lyrical - 6:26 PM

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

amidst all the turmoil. or rather what some might say is self-perpetuated turmoil, i can't believe dell's back. cenna might be droppping by SG on the 25th. hell yeah i'm ready :). bring it on girls. <3

went down to ssdc today to do practices and trials for the basic theory test. i'm irritated that the june slot for the actual test's been booked. so now i have to wait until the 3rd of july for my basic theory test. i overbooked practices for the basic theory, so i decided to make full use of it and have a go at the final theory practice. then i did the trial. i was 2 points away from passing. how shit was that. but anyway, i've started booking practicals, and i'm going to make sure i pass the first time round. i'm going to make sure that i get my license by the end of the year, with my fingers tightly crossed of course.

derryn's birthday at home club was awesome. i can't wait for nana's pre wedding party :)) feast your eyes on these home club addicts. and no, terald and kenny. no more big breakfast-ing 10 miles away from my house at 5 in the morning after being shagged out of my pants.

they who bully me will be sorely missed

pretty little things

poppers and beaters

sunday's plan for the zoo and pirates were scrapped since cass was still ill, and denzil had to take care of her. and victor, well, let's just say he was lazy. met ranon early in the morning to do some shopping. managed to find himself some nice tee shirts, but nothing useful for the weather in the UK. wandered about in our sunday moods (extremely lethargic), then decided to have a go at soup spoon. the tangy tomato basil perked him up, and snapped ranon back to energizer rabbit mode.

pirates was not as dreadful as the reviews made it out to be. sure, i abhor the way Singapore, or Asia had been portrayed. what with the woman in that bad wayang make up. wayang make up may be bad, but it needn't be made a joke of. other than that, i thought the plot was quite hilarious, where its ridiculousness was not overdone. it may not have been much compared to the first installment, as with all sequels. and maybe all it took was johnny depp saved the show. considering that most of my attention was devoted to him, his behaviour or misbehaviour. but it definitely couldn't have been that bad. it's surely way better than Shrek 3, of which i only enjoyed the sight of the baby shreks at the last bit.

ranon, improve your aiming. :)

she waxed lyrical - 9:30 PM

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i'm losing myself.
it's time to discard the compass.
burn away the maps.
forget those monthly planners
and diaries.
it's about time i allowed myself
to be lost.

so many things have happened. so many things are happening. and so many things are going to happen.

she waxed lyrical - 1:58 AM

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Saturday, June 09, 2007

i want to ____________________.

i don't know what i'm doing from here on. i've got great groups of friends, but sometimes i sit back and wonder, is it worth all that trouble; all that effort. i cannot for certain say that i mean to them as much as they mean to me. and that's why i say this world's a lonely place. ultimately, it seems that we're only living for ourselves, in search of that final fulfillment, perhaps. each of us eventually goes on to lead our own lives, and upon finding self-fulfillment (or the illusion of attaining it), others who meant the world to you before would just be a shadow, a distant memory. or worse, completely forgotten - an image unsaved on the hard drive. convenience. it's the thing that breaks meaning into fragments.

there are things i wished i hadn't had done. but they've already been done, and i want to ______________________ . (do them again?)

my favourite time of the day is 0500 hours. it's the inbetween. it leaves the aftertaste of night, and the morning brings a fresh breath of life. it's the time of the day when some are asleep, while others are desperately fighting that snooze function on the alarm clocks. it's the time the manual labourers have their breakfast, it's the time when party-goers come home from drunken stupors. it's a juxtaposed moment. but what if there wasn't any morning dew on the leaves anymore, or any of that morning breeze. what if, nature decided to act on its convenience. would 0500 hours still be the same?

then i would ____________________ .

and i feel like _________________ .

the blanks are empty, and the spaces limited. life's pretty much like that, don't you think?

she waxed lyrical - 4:21 PM

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

and so i have been guilty of breaking my strict diet regime. what with snacking inbetween meals, meet ups for dinners, ice cream and coffee and the worse of them all, booze. it's been a busy few weeks. i haven't gotten down to reading much, which frustrates me. there's just so many things to do and so little time.

my silly neighbours upstairs are drilling again. i hate the noise. intermitten sounds so painful to the ear, and i don't like going out in the day, especially with the ridiculous weather now. i don't know why they can't renovate everything at once. every few months they make us bear with their bit-by-bit renovation plans. ugh.

it was a blast yesterday. made plans to meet celest for dinner, which was scrapped in the end. sorry girl. naresh coerced me into dropping by anton's place for a poker session. who can resist poker, really. and anton has the coolest aunt ever.

the early birds

anton's 70 dollar chips

met celest outside zouk. meant to mambo with her for awhile, but this jerk of an ass kept making us drink at the coffeeshop. i was so mad, i could've thrown him a punch. his chauvanistic behaviour was enough to make me throw up. and he wasn't even her boyfriend. i hate men who treat women like we owe them the world. worse. i hate ~~men~~ boys who think drinking fast and forcing other people to drink is their ticket to manhood. so celest, if you're reading this, don't let any man walk over you. if only we had more time together. i love you babe. have a good trip back to perth and i'll see you when you next come back. i promise there'll be more fun times to come. <3 we'll be astronauts one day, remember?

eventually, i excused myself and headed down to mos to meet up with naresh and gang. it was more booze, groovey dance moves, and a whole lot more of shoving and pushing.

the ac boys

the groovers

naresh. chee. me.

our 2nd most favourite game

anton

naresh

jared gave me a lift home, and the rest stayed on for more booze and more good music. there's nothing like uncle's nasi lemak to end the day :) oh yes, and happy birthday jared.

cafe iguana. vesak's eve.

michael.

my loveliest

cass's birthday at zouk

happy birthday to you.

six minus one

ranon

bottoms up

cass's birthday at the beach

welcome to gaydom

my arm in your arm.

qian.cass.ranon

burnt

modesto :))

the pizza was irresistable

ranon.qian

time to say goodnight

she waxed lyrical - 3:47 PM

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Monday, June 04, 2007

this weekend was birthday week. read: alot of binging, building up that calorie count, and being exhausted.

regular appearance at zouk on friday to celebrate cass's actual birthday. all the usual suspects were in attendance. the music was bad, and the crowd extremely desperate. cass and i were the only two girls in the sea of men/boys/male infants. we got stares, smirks, but nothing nearly as bad as this indian guy who first pulled my bra strap, then snatched my hand and kissed my ear. i nearly elbowed him, but thought of the consequences on denzil and refrained myself. if only ranon hadn't gone to find chew in the toilet, and daniel hadn't disappeared. then maybe i would.

grangeford on saturday to celebrate sara's birthday. met ed and aly, friends of daniel. if i hadn't had their company, i'd be tearing my hair out. the people, well, just not my type. think SIA stewards/stewardesses types who speak in chinese. and for some reason i was feeling tres bitchy and anti-social.

sunday was the best day of the week. basked and of course, burnt in the sun. we gave del mar a miss. instead parked ourselves at some empty spot at palawan. i miss playing volleyball. cass, you have to run for the ball girl. run run run. we departed the beach at about 5. meant to go round sentosa for abit, but everyone was feeling lazy. we did, however, take a cab back to vivo, and indulged ourselves in modesto's scrumptious italian cuisine. walked around for awhile before heading home. i crashed on the bed once i set foot home. and now, at this hour, i am still feeling tired from the weekend.

although the experience and company was awesome, everything about vivo was hurting me. i pressed on, plastered that smile across my face. if i was alone, i would've sat by the waters and cried. one end to the other, there was nothing that couldn't remind me of ...

she waxed lyrical - 4:36 PM

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Friday, June 01, 2007

the eve of vesak's was truly a day to remember, for several reasons. i spent the entire day with jenna. there's never a dull moment with her, save for the duration of shrek 3. if not for the poke in the side, i would've been on my journey to dreamworld. the humour was bad, the plot was thin, and not even shrek's cute little ears could save the show. to make the experience more unpleasant, there were a bunch of toddlers jumping from one seat to another in the row in front of mine. i wanted to tell the father to take them out. then, there were occasional whinings, and this rude boy beside me who started shaking his legs causing the entire row of seats to vibrate along. my tolerance was at its peak and i told him off, to which he murmured an apology.

there were plans to go to zouk, and because it wasn't free entry, i scraped the plan. met up with jenna again after her class, to drown our pitiful and not so pitiful lives in alcohol. she said cheap drinks, and i brought her to cuscaden. she found the place awkward and dodgy, and so we decided to call the rest to ask them if they were still up for zouk. apparently, they'd been queueing since 10 and they weren't even inside at 11. yes, it was jam packed. there was no reason to pay 20 bucks to mosh and be all miserable and walk out after 20 minutes. and then there were plans by others to head to mos. we figured that the queue would be equally long there, and any club would be packed. so we took a bus down to clarke quay, and made reservations at cafe iguana, which wasn't too crowded. it's the best place for marguaritas. it's a bonus that all the house drinks or most, are at half price after 12, nightly.

mike came down round about 1, and joel, hejia, francis and timo came down awhile before it closed. the company was great. i always always say this, but truly, i appreciate everything they do for me. most of all, jenna for knocking sense into my thick skull. and michael, for protecting me from those calories. lol. jenna headed off with the guys and i brought mike to rupee room to meet naresh and his friends. it was bhangra music. not mike's thing, but he seized the moment anyway. after abit, kenny came down from mos. again, great company. 4am seemed to early. we needed to dance some more, but there was no way we'd go into mos. we headed to macs for kenny to satisfy his hunger pangs.

it was hilarious people-watching, and hearing the guys devise a chick-hitching plan of sorts. i was dead tired. kenny bumped into his friends, so there was only mike and i left. by the time we left, there were queues for taxis everywhere. no matter how much further down you walked, there were always people in front of you, no matter how much further down you went. and of course, the lines would always be engaged. i threw a mild tantrum. (sorry michael, excuse the pms) we saw the bus come down, and contemplated walking on the other side to take a bus home. then decided against it, and continued walking. i cracked a half-baked joke about walking home. nonetheless, early morning walks are pretty refreshing. we walked all the way to the parliament house, and there was a flood of taxis, not hired, not on call. imagine the smile on my face. both of us crashed in the taxi, there was a point when michael was mumbling something, and i couldnt make out what it was. pretty funny.

the moral of the story: in is the new out. especially when the eve of a holiday's on a wednesday night.

she waxed lyrical - 12:49 AM

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