i've hardly been at home, hardly been reading. basically hardly been doing anything of actual importance. i feel like a couch potato. this whole gallivanting at night, be it in search of food, alcohol, company or laughter, seems to be taking its toll. i no longer enjoy solitude. i feel myself disintegrating into the grasps of meaningless indulgences. i get scared when i'm alone sometimes. an inexplicably powerful force overwhelms me and i begin to cry. i go to sleep sobbing like a maniac and wake up with eyes as puffy as those of goldfish. i'm truly a wreck in making.
i am not saying that the company hasn't been fantastic over the past week. in fact, it's been awesome. i think it's an internal dysfunction of sorts i'm going through. i won't recount the entire week, partying, alcohol, poker, you probably already get the jist.
so i was out with cenna today and i bumped into a particular person. someone perhaps best left unnamed. he was hand in hand with his newfound love, and i pretended to be unaffected, merely giving that customary look of acknowledgment. nothing more. my eyes betrayed me as they trailed his footsteps down the escalator. and then cenna nudged me, you can do so much better babe. so many others say the same thing. but it still hurts.
