no expectations;

2007-09-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

re-structuring.

2007-08-30T08:55:00.000+08:00

okay, so i'm indecisive and sentimental. i refuse to close down this pathetic site with a slightly more than immature template. as much as i don't like it the way it is now, it will be extremely painful to have to forget this, just like how i still cannot forget ilurvehiphop.diaryland.com. yes, go ahead and laugh all you want.

i have tons of backlog photos in my camera. for those of you who know, my camera is a little wonky, and the images come in elephant sizes, hence alot of work has to be done to properly resize them. please, someone help me. i also regret not having done up my blog template and all that superficial stuff, because now, i'm stuck with this ugly template for the next semester. unless of course, i turn into superwoman.

school's really keeping me on my toes. there're so many events with radiopulze, and external organisations that engage us. my first emcee session was pretty dreadful. i tripped on my words plenty of times. ugh. my next stint will be this weekend at junction8. those interested to see me make a fool of myself, do pop by. and if you're feeling like a samaritan, you can either buy food for me, keep me company, or give me tips for my good effort. the funds will go towards my fendi spy bag fund.

on a more serious note, i am being raped, as mark would call it, by school work. literally and metaphorically. readings are accumulating, and i am trying my very best. ARGH.

and my weeks are packed, i promise people to meet up and never quite do. i feel horrible.

now, last but not least, here's a small-scale budget effective publicity stunt. considering the number of readers i have, you know, like probably 20,000 hits a day or something. LOL.

AMATEUR TAKES CONTROL and THE VINYL SUMMER (that's my band)

ARTS HOUSE, EARSHOT CAFE, 7:30pm.

---see, we're so poor we can't even afford colour

2007-08-10T20:13:00.001+08:00

i am contemplating closing down this blog. it feels like a new chapter has begun, and the allegiance to this pixelated page has been interrupted. i am struggling between nostalgia and the need to move on, my verdict will be out in due time.

for now, let me try to recount the past three weeks that have flown by. work has basically stripped all priveleges of maintaining a reasonable social life during the weekdays. work's not so much stressful as it is frustrating. i am frustrated at the irresponsibility of my employers, to their students. just to give a rather sketchy picture, i started out teaching 2 students for english, and now the class's grown to 6. not a problem if they were all of the same standard. but my employers seem to ignore that fact, and conveniently place the children under my wing, as if it were a dumping ground of sorts. it's impossible for the older students to progress, and the newer ones to catch up. these are foreign students with no knowledge of english, mind you. it's a worser disaster for math. i have to run back and forth between two classrooms: teach, mark corrections, and ensure that they do not end up killing one another. it's another bizzarre situation that they, knowing that both my colleague and myself will be starting school in about 4 days, choose to only 'look into' the lack of a proper teacher at this time. let me not go on about how they treat the other employee. i am done, and sometimes, letting go is best.

the national day preview, which i attended awhile ago; my first since primary 5, was breathtaking. i loved the showcases of the air and seacrafts. i wished the f16s did more stunts though. but like every national day celebration, the audience is never to be disappointed, what more amidst great company.

the second highlight these past three weeks, was probably catching tan pin pin's invisible city. it's unfortunate that elias couldn't make it. it was an insightful and thought-provoking documentary. i particularly liked the intentional gaps left to force us into that awkward understanding of dementia, and memory loss.

i can't quite remember what happened inbetween. nothing so important, i believe. the usual beat attendance. recently, however, it was gig week. first it was force vomit at the esplanade theatre studio with roland, charan, elias and the others. their new songs aren't too bad. it was said to be a sold-out gig, but the space seemed pretty empty, and the crowd quite passive, probably saving all their energy for SITI, played during the encore. i was all upset about not being able to go for the cure, but roland was so kind to fork out the money for me first. on top of that, he managed to get me a 90 bucks deal for the 178 standing tickets on the day itself. you bet i was ecstatic. so on wednesday, the 1st of august, i was a very happy girl. what a way to start the new month! robert smith was mindblowing. the band played for three hours, without anything being said to the audience, other than the customary 'thank you'. brad dumped me last minute flyers to hand out, and roland threw them in the air towards the end of the gig. it was hilarious how everyone else thought the flyers came from the band, and they were literally snatching them. i watched this with amusement. the rest of that night was spent at home club. i skipped poptart. i got extremely intoxicated, dancing to jackson 5 and other 80s hits, and then twirling mark around in circles. thanks guys for dumping me in the front seat of the cab, and talking about my non-existent cleavage.

in that very same week was Baybeats. Friday was extreme mayhem. headed out with the intention to chill with some wine and catch Plain Sunset. With two mad men as company, and the third lost with some girl somewhere in marina, we headed straight to the 7-11 and grabbed for ourselves 2 bottles of wine. We so glamourously uncorked them at cafe cartel with my ancient corkscrew and made our way through marina square to the esplanade, gulping down wine with much gusto. Plain Sunset's gig was more like a cardio workout than anything else. Before we knew it, we were tangled in the mosh pit. Cowan and Roland unexpectedly grabbed me up to a sea of waving hands, as i surfed through the crowd with my bag, before the first number even ended. Roland was my appointed bodyguard, for his arm was wrapped tightly around my neck like a dogleash. THANKS. :) and towards the end of the gig, it was time for another body surf by yours truly, initiated by her wonderful friends of course. It was fun, nonetheless. Made our way to Home Club, and drank some more. Three bottles and many more jugs. Of course we were high. And my dear friend was on the verge of puking, hor, Elias? : )

It's a miracle how i managed to drag myself out of the house the next day for another session of Baybeats. LoveSong's set was impressive. Thereafter, headed to the hangout hotel and chilled with the bands, with booze of course. Chilled on their rooftop. I could live there. I think i might book rooms there for my birthday. It's also nice to hear the experiences of different people. One of the members from Aloha was telling me about how his sister is stuggling to be an actress in New York, and how the people in Boston were snooty. TooKoo (a band from Beijing), and Nick, the bassist from LoveSong struck me most. We talked about the most random things, from how the Chinese in Singapore were so different to how much a bottle of whisky cost. It was a great experience, really. I got home free from the evil grasps of alcohol, but tired nonetheless.

Again, I managed to get up on Sunday without any aching bones. Headed over to Roland's for dinner before heading down to the last and final day of Baybeats. All of us were shagged by then, and hence chose to just sit around until Aloha played. They're my favourite this time around. Their skills are inhuman, and the distorted sounds of the xylophones were indescribable. It's admirable how every member of the band switch around the instruments like musical chairs. At one point, the drummer had three drum sticks; two in one hand, and one in the other. At another point, he had a tamberine in his hand, while playing the drums. Isn't that what you call talent? I was blown away. To think that they were so humble when i met them the night before.

After all that massive mayhem, this week's going slower. I am home on a Friday night. Nothing much has been happening, except for tying up the loose ends with work, and getting my act together for school. Of course, there was National Day, and i missed unpopular radio and sweetmusic's broadcast 'Nationalism Day', because i was in slumber. sorry guys, "no make friend" haha. Tomorrow's poker, and Sunday's jamming with the band. Oh yes, for those interested, LoveSong, TooKoo, and Amateur Takes Control will be playing at Home Club this Sunday as well.

As for driving, i think i'm getting on quite fine. comments have generally been inconsistent driving. Hopefully, i'd get my license end of this year, or early next year. i think i'm manouvring the right turns quite well, but the circuit still puts me off quite a bit. let's see what happens when it's time for the parking and slope modules. i'm preparing myself for a disaster.

My brother's macbook pro is officially mine. I am getting it organised, and pictures will be up soon, if i don't get too lazy.

2007-07-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

i've always told people to get over it. move on. i've also detested those who've idled their lives away, always mulling over something they were going to do. yet, i look back upon my own in extreme embarrassment. i've always had big great plans that've never materialised. not having the knowledge to put these into action is no excuse. what with google and books readily available at borders. there're so many things i want to do, and i often spend the time in slumber, or doing other little unimportant things which eventually don't matter. is the drive not enough, or is this plain laziness? i convince myself half-heartedly that inspiration's not coming my way, but that's just another excuse. i think i want instant gratification, and that's impossible. it's something i've got to knock into my head. the semester is beginning. i need to buck up and get my grades in check. as i've mentioned, there're a couple new projects i've embarked on. and i'm going to make them into something. i need to concentrate on one thing at a time. i think that's just the problem.

2007-07-17T01:07:00.000+08:00

Just as i thought i've reached a plateau, something has come my way. I'm excited, but i fear criticism. I fear i won't live up to expectations. someone says 'no fear', but there's still a great deal of self-doubt. i shan't let on about what new project i've embarked on. in time to come, rather, when the time is right, i will. a newfound direction, i presume, and something that's always been at the back of my mind. yet, as i progress from one stage to another, i've sacrificed another part of me - dance. i don't even remember the last time i attended class. nostalgia is speaking together with regret.

work's been tiring, even though the hours are relatively short. i love those little terrors. i find joy in rewarding them with stars marked in red ink, as much as sadistic satisfaction sets in when i confiscate their psps or give them a stern dressing down for shabby homework. above all, i've realised truly that education is synonymous with understanding. the importance of foundation cannot be further stressed, and it is an idealistic goal. i hope i'm teaching them as much as they've taught me.

i miss the loosely termed "clique" - you know who you are, outing soon please. i miss waking up late, and regular visits to the gym. and eventually, when school begins, i will miss those little terrors, especially my favourite ball of sunshine.

2007-07-06T00:58:00.000+08:00

someone will shoot me sooner or later for not having the pictures uploaded. my sincere apologies, as i've been rather busy of late. yes, i've finally started working. today was my first day, as an english/math tutor to foreign students sitting for the enrollment exams. i think teaching is a career i might eventually consider. i like it. the children might be terrors, or the demands of the job extremely high, but i truly enjoy it. although i might not be the best role model in terms of moral standards (i hardly have any) or 'good' social behaviour, i believe in educating young minds to be knowledge seekers. ask me again in a month and i'd tell you the same thing.

i've been wanting to join AWARE since Dell got involved with them some time last year, but it just never got to my list of priorities. however, recently, it's been hovering at the back of my mind, and i finally remembered to join today. funny how i've been thinking about it the entire day though. i want to participate in their campaigns, and help abused victims. it's something i feel strongly for, i think it's a calling of sorts. friends claim me to be feminist anyway. so, whilst browsing their webpage, i found a few interesting, and noteworthy lines.

"The cock may crow but it's the hen that lays the eggs."
- Margaret Thatcher

"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; i only know that people call me a feminist when i express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."
- Rebecca West

"Remembering what a rapist looks like isn't the problem. Trying to forget is."

www.aware.org.sg

2007-06-30T20:53:00.001+08:00

i'm home on a saturday night. it's been too long since i've stayed home on a weekend night, much less right through the week. i think that shall be my short term goal until semester begins. yes. to stay in for the next couple of weeks. no more squishy mambo and smelling armpits at phuture. no more bobbing heads and random talk at home club. no more substances of intoxication. as much as the destruction has been done, something can be done to at least prevent further damage. actually, at this point, i'm really itching to go to the national stadium's closing down party. my only gripe about it besides the parental's violent objection to me staying out late AGAIN, will be the sweltering heat and potential and very dangerous mud pools on the field. so as much as i'd love to mambo and phuture along with the rest of the nation's young, crazy wild things (and many other desperate boys), at a different and sentimental location, i reckon i'd be happier in front of my computer screen basking in the coolness of air-conditioning. afterall, i do have a mambo playlist.

i'm probably saying all of this because i've had a bad night. in fact, i've not quite been enjoying myself the last few times out, and i have no idea why i keep at it. it's time to join the AA maybe. the start of last night was fantabulous. all the girls were down and we celebrated ms butler's birthday. :)) whoohoo. someone's sweet sweet 20. love love love and more love darling. mwa! the pictures will be up very soon. we parted ways and that was probably a mistake. i shan't go into the painful details of last night's experience. all i can say is, apart from being smashed and talking 10 times more rubbish than ranon and chew combined (they are going to kill me), i felt particularly down. very, would be a bold understatement to say the least.

anyway, today was indriana's (nana) wedding. woke up early with no voice and a splitting headache. instead of taking the mrt, i went along with my dad's brilliant idea of taking 66 to eunos cc. big mistake. the bus passed through the most skanky and dodgy places. it was scary, and i felt like i was on the bus along the streets of bangkok or malaysia. i could deal with the shanty town thing, just not when i'm dressed up for a wedding. after one and a half hours, i finally alighted, only to get lost amidst the streets of bedok reservoir. the heat was a deadly assasin. i could feel myself melting into molecules. so anyway, hung around with ben for a while. rohai finally made his way down after waiting for a cab for 40 minutes, and that poor boy stays in tampines. (oh how i miss him!!) when he got there, he was as mad as i was when i first got there, but the food took away all that fury. we stuffed our faces and hung around, waiting for nana's second costume change. some dungeonites arrived, and others, well, they were on their way from their respective errands. i guessed rohai and i were tired, and we decided to take our leave before the rest arrived. too bad we couldn't take that huge ass dungeon group photo. but all's the same and i say this again, congrats nana on this special day :)).

i feel terribly down. awfully awkwardm, and i don't need alcohol. i need ... an early night. that would probably be best. cheers.

ps. our plans for botak jones and island creamery tomorrow will most likely be shelved. guys, if you're reading this, please let me know what the plans are okay? thanks :)

2007-06-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

i've hardly been at home, hardly been reading. basically hardly been doing anything of actual importance. i feel like a couch potato. this whole gallivanting at night, be it in search of food, alcohol, company or laughter, seems to be taking its toll. i no longer enjoy solitude. i feel myself disintegrating into the grasps of meaningless indulgences. i get scared when i'm alone sometimes. an inexplicably powerful force overwhelms me and i begin to cry. i go to sleep sobbing like a maniac and wake up with eyes as puffy as those of goldfish. i'm truly a wreck in making.

i am not saying that the company hasn't been fantastic over the past week. in fact, it's been awesome. i think it's an internal dysfunction of sorts i'm going through. i won't recount the entire week, partying, alcohol, poker, you probably already get the jist.

so i was out with cenna today and i bumped into a particular person. someone perhaps best left unnamed. he was hand in hand with his newfound love, and i pretended to be unaffected, merely giving that customary look of acknowledgment. nothing more. my eyes betrayed me as they trailed his footsteps down the escalator. and then cenna nudged me, you can do so much better babe. so many others say the same thing. but it still hurts.

2007-06-22T14:22:00.000+08:00

i'm too lazy to account for my thoughts, or what's been going on. but assuming there's a substantial amount of readership, i hereby encourage all of you, my readers, to attend this following event.

On Saturday, 30 June 2007, the National Stadium will be transformed into a huge party ground. You'll have soccer from 4pm to 10pm, and from 10pm onwards, the field will be transformed into the biggest ever ZOUK-MAMBO ARENA - Lights Out Party!!! Mambo and Phuture DJs will put up groovy tunes, along with homegrown band Kreuger. It will be wild.

Tickets for the matches are $15. Upon purchasing those tickets, you'll get to go for the Lights Out Party for $10. If I'm not mistaken, the tickets for the Lights Out Party alone costs $15, inclusive of one free drink.

for more information, visit the following address.

http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=1008

be singaporean, join the mambo. HAH. see you there :D

2007-06-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

so the mother woke me up at 7 in the am to go to the hospice to help my uncle transfer my grandfather to his new nursing home. i'm not complaining because i haven't been able to bring myself to visit him on a consistent and regular basis. aging, it's not something i'm good at dealing with. i'm sure many others share the same sentiment. and this is where i must say, i give hospice care nurses, or those carers for the terminally ill and aged, my full respect. it takes a very happy person to do things like that.

the new nursing home was alright. some parts of the facility were pretty dodgy, but we had to make do. the administration office happened to be opposite this room call the rehabilitation room, where members would go in for physio-therapy sessions. so while waiting for the mother and uncle to settle the paperwork, i stood outside. it's been a long long time since i've been surrounded by that many old people. i had to move myself away several times to let wheel chairs past. i felt stares on me - from those passing by and from those in the rehab room. it's almost as if they were making a connection with me and what was once their youth. i was scared - the fear of being one of them. it is my regret that i say this now with so much distance. my uncle initially made a passing comment about how 20% of the population would be like this come 2030. i tried to think of other things, but my mind just kept on going. about how my mum would be 15 years from now, or where i'd be when i got old. i got even more scared, and assured myself that i would not live such a low quality of life - more meaningless cycles while waiting for that eventual death. i'd rather impose death on myself. and then i felt bad. where were my morals. where was my compassion. i am a coward. i am a victim of youth.

on the brighter side of things, today was also Liat hangout day. those in attendance: rohai, iliyas, fio, dell, twinkles, jack and jason. it was a blast. i'm still hungover from that sugar rush. it's been so long since we've done this, our usual coffee dates and not-so-mild bitching sessions. now that some people are working, and with more going to start work, it's harder to meet up. and well, the rest of us bummers can't meet up due to that financial strain. and you ask me why starbucks liat is closing down. bumped into shaun and noelle, i miss them, my interpop crew. there were many random hi's and waves being thrown across the tables in the duration of our presence there. friendster coming to life you say? matin came down and hung out with his brownie thing from dairy queen. that shit looked awesome, but also screamed CALORIES.

i like planning my week, and the last two weeks of june will be hedonistic, lovely and mindblowing. i am coping with things better. cenna just told me she'd be coming over for 4 days. how can i not be happy with life. to you who's been making me so miserable, i have many other yous who make my world swirl. okay that didn't make sense. i'm sleepy. <3 to those who know who they are.

2007-06-16T19:54:00.000+08:00

4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till four in the morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

2007-06-14T18:26:00.000+08:00

Recently I've been ranting on and on like a lunatic. En calls me the emo girl, which i say is neither absolutely true nor false. Jenna thinks I'm the friendliest person (note, this is not a case of self-praise). We all have split personalities. We have the inner and the outer being. The naked self that comes through only to the closest of friends, and the many other layers that are put on depending on the social setting. But that's not my point in case.

I've been rather lost of late. I feel my personality decomposing within, if i have any at all. I feel like I'm being ripped apart and scoured by scavengers. Mambo yesterday made me realise how much I've been affected by the quick turn of events that's been going on. Perhaps it's made me aware that I do have plenty of unfinished business. It's bizarre that I cannot tell you, my reader, what exactly they are, for I myself do not know. That as much as I can say to hell with what they think or do, I know I'd mull over it for days on end. Agony, that's what they call it. Anything reminiscent of the past rings in my eardrums like a bittersweet symphony. And when the past collides with the present more often than neccessary, it's time to shut my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. But no matter, it's a haunting presence, the past. There cannot be enough 'letting it out', because now and then, when i look back and think, that's the start of emotional disaster. And maybe the unfinished businesses are better left tucked away in that dusty corner. The further away I move, the better. Singapore is too small. I don't like being connected and traced all so easily. I want to live in a small town in Sicily and never be found.

An awkward moment happened at Mambo yesterday. I shall not delve into details. Let's just say I saw people I didn't want to see. I have to thank an overpacked Zouk for allowing me to pretend I didn't see these individuals. After several nudges, I turned around and gave half-baked smiles. Don't know if the other parties sensed it. Then now I think back and realise, maybe it wasn't such a smart move on my part. Ah, to hell with that.

Met up with Ben and Dell today. :)) The company swung my mood in a gradual upward motion.

Sidenote: I've been told that I have the 'i want to bitchslap/punch you face.' Which I absolutely disagree with.

Sidenote: I am being eaten up by bubbly bits of what may be heat rash or insect bites.

2007-06-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

amidst all the turmoil. or rather what some might say is self-perpetuated turmoil, i can't believe dell's back. cenna might be droppping by SG on the 25th. hell yeah i'm ready :). bring it on girls. <3

went down to ssdc today to do practices and trials for the basic theory test. i'm irritated that the june slot for the actual test's been booked. so now i have to wait until the 3rd of july for my basic theory test. i overbooked practices for the basic theory, so i decided to make full use of it and have a go at the final theory practice. then i did the trial. i was 2 points away from passing. how shit was that. but anyway, i've started booking practicals, and i'm going to make sure i pass the first time round. i'm going to make sure that i get my license by the end of the year, with my fingers tightly crossed of course.

derryn's birthday at home club was awesome. i can't wait for nana's pre wedding party :)) feast your eyes on these home club addicts. and no, terald and kenny. no more big breakfast-ing 10 miles away from my house at 5 in the morning after being shagged out of my pants.

they who bully me will be sorely missed

pretty little things

poppers and beaters

sunday's plan for the zoo and pirates were scrapped since cass was still ill, and denzil had to take care of her. and victor, well, let's just say he was lazy. met ranon early in the morning to do some shopping. managed to find himself some nice tee shirts, but nothing useful for the weather in the UK. wandered about in our sunday moods (extremely lethargic), then decided to have a go at soup spoon. the tangy tomato basil perked him up, and snapped ranon back to energizer rabbit mode.

pirates was not as dreadful as the reviews made it out to be. sure, i abhor the way Singapore, or Asia had been portrayed. what with the woman in that bad wayang make up. wayang make up may be bad, but it needn't be made a joke of. other than that, i thought the plot was quite hilarious, where its ridiculousness was not overdone. it may not have been much compared to the first installment, as with all sequels. and maybe all it took was johnny depp saved the show. considering that most of my attention was devoted to him, his behaviour or misbehaviour. but it definitely couldn't have been that bad. it's surely way better than Shrek 3, of which i only enjoyed the sight of the baby shreks at the last bit.

ranon, improve your aiming. :)

2007-06-12T01:58:00.000+08:00

i'm losing myself.
it's time to discard the compass.
burn away the maps.
forget those monthly planners
and diaries.
it's about time i allowed myself
to be lost.

so many things have happened. so many things are happening. and so many things are going to happen.

2007-06-09T16:21:00.000+08:00

i want to ____________________.

i don't know what i'm doing from here on. i've got great groups of friends, but sometimes i sit back and wonder, is it worth all that trouble; all that effort. i cannot for certain say that i mean to them as much as they mean to me. and that's why i say this world's a lonely place. ultimately, it seems that we're only living for ourselves, in search of that final fulfillment, perhaps. each of us eventually goes on to lead our own lives, and upon finding self-fulfillment (or the illusion of attaining it), others who meant the world to you before would just be a shadow, a distant memory. or worse, completely forgotten - an image unsaved on the hard drive. convenience. it's the thing that breaks meaning into fragments.

there are things i wished i hadn't had done. but they've already been done, and i want to ______________________ . (do them again?)

my favourite time of the day is 0500 hours. it's the inbetween. it leaves the aftertaste of night, and the morning brings a fresh breath of life. it's the time of the day when some are asleep, while others are desperately fighting that snooze function on the alarm clocks. it's the time the manual labourers have their breakfast, it's the time when party-goers come home from drunken stupors. it's a juxtaposed moment. but what if there wasn't any morning dew on the leaves anymore, or any of that morning breeze. what if, nature decided to act on its convenience. would 0500 hours still be the same?

then i would ____________________ .

and i feel like _________________ .

the blanks are empty, and the spaces limited. life's pretty much like that, don't you think?

2007-06-07T15:47:00.000+08:00

and so i have been guilty of breaking my strict diet regime. what with snacking inbetween meals, meet ups for dinners, ice cream and coffee and the worse of them all, booze. it's been a busy few weeks. i haven't gotten down to reading much, which frustrates me. there's just so many things to do and so little time.

my silly neighbours upstairs are drilling again. i hate the noise. intermitten sounds so painful to the ear, and i don't like going out in the day, especially with the ridiculous weather now. i don't know why they can't renovate everything at once. every few months they make us bear with their bit-by-bit renovation plans. ugh.

it was a blast yesterday. made plans to meet celest for dinner, which was scrapped in the end. sorry girl. naresh coerced me into dropping by anton's place for a poker session. who can resist poker, really. and anton has the coolest aunt ever.

the early birds

anton's 70 dollar chips

met celest outside zouk. meant to mambo with her for awhile, but this jerk of an ass kept making us drink at the coffeeshop. i was so mad, i could've thrown him a punch. his chauvanistic behaviour was enough to make me throw up. and he wasn't even her boyfriend. i hate men who treat women like we owe them the world. worse. i hate ~~men~~ boys who think drinking fast and forcing other people to drink is their ticket to manhood. so celest, if you're reading this, don't let any man walk over you. if only we had more time together. i love you babe. have a good trip back to perth and i'll see you when you next come back. i promise there'll be more fun times to come. <3 we'll be astronauts one day, remember?

eventually, i excused myself and headed down to mos to meet up with naresh and gang. it was more booze, groovey dance moves, and a whole lot more of shoving and pushing.

the ac boys

the groovers

naresh. chee. me.

our 2nd most favourite game

anton

naresh

jared gave me a lift home, and the rest stayed on for more booze and more good music. there's nothing like uncle's nasi lemak to end the day :) oh yes, and happy birthday jared.

cafe iguana. vesak's eve.

michael.

my loveliest

cass's birthday at zouk

happy birthday to you.

six minus one

ranon

bottoms up

cass's birthday at the beach

welcome to gaydom

my arm in your arm.

qian.cass.ranon

burnt

modesto :))

the pizza was irresistable

ranon.qian

time to say goodnight

2007-06-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

this weekend was birthday week. read: alot of binging, building up that calorie count, and being exhausted.

regular appearance at zouk on friday to celebrate cass's actual birthday. all the usual suspects were in attendance. the music was bad, and the crowd extremely desperate. cass and i were the only two girls in the sea of men/boys/male infants. we got stares, smirks, but nothing nearly as bad as this indian guy who first pulled my bra strap, then snatched my hand and kissed my ear. i nearly elbowed him, but thought of the consequences on denzil and refrained myself. if only ranon hadn't gone to find chew in the toilet, and daniel hadn't disappeared. then maybe i would.

grangeford on saturday to celebrate sara's birthday. met ed and aly, friends of daniel. if i hadn't had their company, i'd be tearing my hair out. the people, well, just not my type. think SIA stewards/stewardesses types who speak in chinese. and for some reason i was feeling tres bitchy and anti-social.

sunday was the best day of the week. basked and of course, burnt in the sun. we gave del mar a miss. instead parked ourselves at some empty spot at palawan. i miss playing volleyball. cass, you have to run for the ball girl. run run run. we departed the beach at about 5. meant to go round sentosa for abit, but everyone was feeling lazy. we did, however, take a cab back to vivo, and indulged ourselves in modesto's scrumptious italian cuisine. walked around for awhile before heading home. i crashed on the bed once i set foot home. and now, at this hour, i am still feeling tired from the weekend.

although the experience and company was awesome, everything about vivo was hurting me. i pressed on, plastered that smile across my face. if i was alone, i would've sat by the waters and cried. one end to the other, there was nothing that couldn't remind me of ...

2007-06-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

the eve of vesak's was truly a day to remember, for several reasons. i spent the entire day with jenna. there's never a dull moment with her, save for the duration of shrek 3. if not for the poke in the side, i would've been on my journey to dreamworld. the humour was bad, the plot was thin, and not even shrek's cute little ears could save the show. to make the experience more unpleasant, there were a bunch of toddlers jumping from one seat to another in the row in front of mine. i wanted to tell the father to take them out. then, there were occasional whinings, and this rude boy beside me who started shaking his legs causing the entire row of seats to vibrate along. my tolerance was at its peak and i told him off, to which he murmured an apology.

there were plans to go to zouk, and because it wasn't free entry, i scraped the plan. met up with jenna again after her class, to drown our pitiful and not so pitiful lives in alcohol. she said cheap drinks, and i brought her to cuscaden. she found the place awkward and dodgy, and so we decided to call the rest to ask them if they were still up for zouk. apparently, they'd been queueing since 10 and they weren't even inside at 11. yes, it was jam packed. there was no reason to pay 20 bucks to mosh and be all miserable and walk out after 20 minutes. and then there were plans by others to head to mos. we figured that the queue would be equally long there, and any club would be packed. so we took a bus down to clarke quay, and made reservations at cafe iguana, which wasn't too crowded. it's the best place for marguaritas. it's a bonus that all the house drinks or most, are at half price after 12, nightly.

mike came down round about 1, and joel, hejia, francis and timo came down awhile before it closed. the company was great. i always always say this, but truly, i appreciate everything they do for me. most of all, jenna for knocking sense into my thick skull. and michael, for protecting me from those calories. lol. jenna headed off with the guys and i brought mike to rupee room to meet naresh and his friends. it was bhangra music. not mike's thing, but he seized the moment anyway. after abit, kenny came down from mos. again, great company. 4am seemed to early. we needed to dance some more, but there was no way we'd go into mos. we headed to macs for kenny to satisfy his hunger pangs.

it was hilarious people-watching, and hearing the guys devise a chick-hitching plan of sorts. i was dead tired. kenny bumped into his friends, so there was only mike and i left. by the time we left, there were queues for taxis everywhere. no matter how much further down you walked, there were always people in front of you, no matter how much further down you went. and of course, the lines would always be engaged. i threw a mild tantrum. (sorry michael, excuse the pms) we saw the bus come down, and contemplated walking on the other side to take a bus home. then decided against it, and continued walking. i cracked a half-baked joke about walking home. nonetheless, early morning walks are pretty refreshing. we walked all the way to the parliament house, and there was a flood of taxis, not hired, not on call. imagine the smile on my face. both of us crashed in the taxi, there was a point when michael was mumbling something, and i couldnt make out what it was. pretty funny.

the moral of the story: in is the new out. especially when the eve of a holiday's on a wednesday night.

2007-05-30T03:29:00.000+08:00

you know something has gone wrong with your system when you cannot sleep at 0333 hours, even though your system is close to shutting down. you know that you're in danger when you toss and turn for 2 hours, thinking. you know that you're alone when the only comfort you have is your pillow, and perhaps a box of kleenex beside you.

b r e a k - d o w n

and then you come online, someone tells you that cough syrup helps. you smile, knowing that people care; macabre humour maybe.

or do you smile because you know what an overdose might do?

s h i p - w r e c k e d .

don't assume i'd always be here. some day, i might just fly away to someplace else. it's always the same old story. the world's moving on too fast and we all have our collection of masks. knowing you, knowing me. will that ever happen.

mike; i've said this over and over, thank you, for everything.

jen; chin up. i'll see you in a few hours'.

rohai; things will get better. for me to be saying this in such a state, it must really mean something. i'm a phone call away. remember.

and to you, you and you; i haven't decided to stop caring. but when i do, don't come running after me.

2007-05-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

because i've been too emo lately, according to my friends. i shall zip it up and post pictures of my bumming lifestyle. being unemployed is a bliss. being financially unsound isn't.

at the pullshapes/misshapes dressed to impress party at home! :))

he whose bitchiness keeps me going

he who keeps my diet in check

them, who engage in intellectual discussions beyond my understanding.

i'd like you to meet them;

mr gee who does the shuffle

undergoing transformation. let's bounce, shall we?

gym bud-deh

fashion whore

c'est moi. :)

and i love them, for loving me.

at ranon's birthday bash

the 20 year old boy.

daniel, ranon, qian.

cass, are we the girls' wing of RCK. lol.

you all know her.

darling, we have thick lips and we go wayyy back <3.

the night was made bearable because of all of you.

2007-05-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

results were, well, unexpected, in a bad sense. for the next two years, i shall be a closet mugger. hear that, rohai and iliyas. the modules i took this sem, were irrationally picked, and definitely challenging. i felt i did my best. there were some modules i was incredibly impressed with, but for the ones i should've gotten that A and didnt, well, i was terribly disappointed.

as you follow entry after entry, you might have already guessed i'm quite a wreck now. and last night did nothing to salvage it. before i go on to expound on this tragedy,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANON LI! :) SORRY FOR THE MESS I CREATED. MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED 20th.

okay, so moving on, first was dad's birthday dinner at the club. for some reason, dad and the brother weren't in too good moods. so we ended dinner pretty early, and i thought i might as well kill time over at cass's. and then the brother decided that he wanted to head down to kino. so cass's was a no show. fortunately, sara was in town. met up with her for abit. made my way to mos, only to realise i left my ic at home. great.

so i cabbed back home and told the driver to wait for me. grabbed ranon's present at the same time, and cabbed back to mos. so far, so good. i got out of the cab, fished for my ic, and realised it's dropped out of the bag, onto the seat. i chased the cab for a million miles, ran in puddles of mud, and it drove away in the distance. worst, other yellow taxis were cutting in and out of the lane that made it difficult to trace which cab was mine. my next best alternative, to call the lost and found. i was put on hold for 10 over minutes, and i finally gave up. who says rock bottom cannot go any lower?

i was hesitant about attending the party. but i went anyway, because it was ranon's birthday and i needed to get my mind off things. but there's one thing i've come to realise. if you don't feel good about it, don't do it.

now, i'm an illegal immigrant, because i lost my nus student ez link card a couple of weeks ago and now my ic. talk about the worst karma one could get. my bank account is dry, and i don't have an ez link card or ic. i'm home bound.

2007-05-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

there are many sayings to encourage. that's clearly an understatement. 'when you're down, the only other way you can go is up' is one of those many sayings that sticks with me. well, it's precisely the strength it takes for us to gather that upward momentum that needs consideration, don't you think. but somehow, it never fails to give me the added push i might need. i don't know how many more pushes i'd need before things turn around. i'm not sorted out as yet. i thought i was. alone time has been good, if you choose not to consider the pointless and silly thoughts that run through my head every milisecond. yea, it's been quite ... peaceful?

2007-05-24T13:38:00.000+08:00

you said, to the left, to the left. . .
and turned around to walk
the other way.

To the left
To the left

To the left
To the left

Mmmm to the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, that's my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, baby, please don't touch

And keep talking that mess, thats fine
Could you walk and talk, at the same time?
And it's my name thats on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?
Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing?
Nothing at all to you
Baby I won't shed a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
'Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left, to the left.
To the left, to the left.
Mmmmm
To the left, to the left.
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left, to the left.
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable?

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'?
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You can pack all your bags we're finished
'Cause you made your bed now lay in it
I could have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable?

i don't post lyrics much, but i suppose this song means more than its words. it's irreplaceable.

2007-05-23T18:37:00.000+08:00

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless.

life's such a screw up. this is childish. mindgames are. niceness only leaves you broken. that's what it's like, really. i need to regain independence, like it was before. now i'm just like the others. pathetic. helpless; like a doll. i hate it. i accept those reasons, excuses or whatever they may be, because well, what else is there to say that will not make me look more stupid. i nod in agreement, and smile graciously because i'm supposed to play it cool, remember? i need ... i don't even know what i need anymore. my mind's in fragments.

most of all, i'm afraid of returning to that horrible, haunting past. the past that gives the illusion of comfort.

pick up those pieces of me.

2007-05-23T01:03:00.000+08:00

when nostalgia from childhood hits me, i dig through the cupboards for those old photographs from kindergarden, dust off the covers, and flip them open. when nostalgia from 2004 and beyond hits, well, i go to imagestation.com. i am compelled to print out all the photographs. something tells me that the internet isn't trustworthy.

i could relive college life all over again, really. it's wonderful. i miss everyone. everything that made the school what it was. i dread growing up. i hate the mindgames we have to play. i crave for the noise in the canteen, for teachers to stop me in my tracks just because the skirt was an inich too short. time, may you rewind. go back to those golden years. i don't mind doing the marikita at 730am every morning. i really don't.

2007-05-22T01:09:00.000+08:00

finally, photos!

home club virgins

daniel :)

saturday at cass's

as ranon puts it, chew-yyyyyyy!

boys

girls

us; happy birthday claud!

ranon

love love!

for no particular reason, "to the left, to the left" and "you must not know 'bout me" of beyonce's irreplaceable are stuck in my head. i didn't pay much attention to the lyrics that followed, until about 2 hours ago. and then i smiled to myself. but still, it's funny that i'd smile to myself just by humming "to the left, to the left".

i know that the puzzle pieces will eventually fit. the sooner the better. meanwhile, there's not too much to groan about. i've almost nearly sorted out my thoughts. i need to hibernate for awhile, maybe.

2007-05-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

i logged in and out of blogger several times over the last few days, in contemplation of what to write. something hit me; friendship. and at this point you (my reader) would normally either get a sense of love, or a sense of tragedy. maybe. but more than anything, it's guilt that pushes my fingers to type away furiously at the keypad.

mambo on wednesday taught me something. i am capable of being terribly selfish. i am ashamed for ditching my friend(s) out in the open sea. no matter how silly friends behave, no matter how much you feel like throwing them a punch, it just isn't right to walk out. tolerance. i need more of that. right. i don't owe them anything; the build up of anger and frustration. the breaking point. these justifications do not suffice. even if my good intentions remain unappreciated, even if... there are no even ifs. walking out wasn't right. i am not proud of it.

photos will be up soon.

2007-05-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

today was uncannily busy. i'm starting to train for the standard chartered marathon. i think it might help me keep my discipline to work out. initially intended tan after the workout, but the sun was hiding behind the clouds. waited to jenna to pop over. so much for wanting to work on abs. ended up chilling. i had to help mum prepare food for dinner, so didn't get to talk to that woman much. but i suppose it's the company that really counts. rush rush. made my way to town to meet ranon, to return his beloved black cap, and bulletin. caught priceless. i was in love with audrey tatou before, but this movie takes my adoration for her to a whole new level. everything about it was fabulous. it wasn't to sappy, nor too slapstick. the right amounts of comedy and romance, and of course the exquisite champagnes and clothes. ahhh. wonderful.

something embarrassing happened. let's just say i lost my ezlink card. the nus one. so tomorrow i've to make a trip downtown to look for it. hopefully it's at the lost and found at lido. i am 100% sure i left it there. oh bother. why am i so careless. sigh. it's another busy day tomorrow. see, being unemployed is not so boring after all.

2007-05-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

i am quite happily unemployed. it gets boring in the day, and you marvel at how time pasts so slowly. but you're also pretty glad that you have that many more hours to spare. to do the things you'd normally like to do, and never had the time to. i need money to travel. that's all. getting out of the country for abit would be good for me. even if i were to go alone, i wouldn't mind.

2007-05-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

i don't know where to begin. it's been a rough patch, but it's getting smoother. missed out on nouvelle vague and spent saturday night at cass's place instead, with food from chomp chomp and alot of cam-whoring. especially of victor hooked onto youtube's battlefield videos. ended up friendster surfing for abit, and realised that there was a retarded coincidence of messages. ridiculous. tomorrow's monday. there are afew loose ends to tie up; errands. i've put them off for a couple of days, and now it's time to face the dreaded moment. i'm so bad at rejecting people, and i keep apologising. to which, my dearest friends become annoyed with.

parties induce that ecstatic high; and we all know it's an intentional mirage. it dangerously captivates us, and makes us believe. it deliberately lures us to come back for more. do we really have so much excess baggage that we need parties for us to feel overjoyed? is forgetting and losing ourselves the essence of life? because only when we forget, can we move on. but truly, how can one forget memories, when it nags at us like a chronic ache. memories, experiences - the past. essentially, this is what we're made of. that's why we're who we are now. different from before. or maybe the same, because we choose to be caught up in that chaotic frenzy. a futile attempt at best in pursuit of happiness.

2007-05-12T15:37:00.000+08:00

i feel so drained from everything. i've been rather grumpy of late, rather teary-eyed. i cannot thank those who've tolerated my rants enough. i can only promise that i'd be there when you need me. i was absolutely zonked out after mambo on wednesday. yet i had to drag myself out of bed to meet siva for lunch, then amar for dinner. had a nice time catching up. by the end of the day, i was dead.

usual friday nights at beat. some interesting tracks were dropped. it slipped my mind that plain sunset were playing at home club. i missed them. what a waste. cass, denzil and daniel came along. it was their first indie night. i had a feeling they were bored. cass said it was interesting, denzil liked 2 songs. haha. sorry for making you guys wait, wait and wait for me to 'finish' bobbing my head. bumped into ian and toby. i sang my lungs out to the usual and not-so-usual tunes all the same. i immersed myself into the drum beats, and jumped around so much it was almost as if i was doing a cardio work out. i flung my hair and waved my arms just as everyone else did. i clapped my hands in sync with the djs, and i felt ecstatic. i wanted to forget it all, but i was close to tears.

"looks like it all went wrong...what am i to do, what am i to do..."
"i just wanted to hold...you in my arms..."
"in the morning, you know you won't remember a thing. in the morning, you that it's gonna be alright"
"don't let the sun, be the one, to change you baby..."

nouvelle vague's playing at zouk later. a friend describes it as sexy and dangerous. hah. i don't quite feel like going. but i'm afraid that if i stayed home, i'd just go mad. i'm not walking away because should anything happen, i'd blame myself for giving up too early.

on a lighter note, i need to find that blog. amidst the vast, infinite spaces of the world wide web. where do i start.

2007-05-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

life has been excellent, and something's holding me back from taking it all in. too much fun spells trouble. i haven't been to mambo in a long long time. and i'm still trying to recover from this awkward trippy emotion. it's weird. last night was the bomb. champagne makes the world go round, and rohai provides wonderful entertainment while we wait for our pratas. of all people, i asked someone tipsy to get me from across the road. hell, what was i thinking. i miss last night. not many photos though, but many great people :)

2007-05-09T14:37:00.000+08:00

"what happens when you cross a fish and an elephant?"

"swimming trunks."

i need that kind of humour right now.

2007-05-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

today was a long long day. met jenna at vivocity for a window shopping session. jenna, trying on clothes is not 'no harm' okay. it has ALOT of harm. especially towards our pockets. eyed so many things, most of all, this pretty dress from topshop and forever 21. it's still in the reservation bag. i need to get a loan from the parents first though. somehow i don't quite like the holidays. apart from spending cravings, we also talked alot. i will need that shoulder, but i will also need that slap from you. a million, if need be. thank you for everything.

rushed to town to meet fio and iliyas to exchange books. well, not really, because i only brought one book, and i was rushing out of the house. sorry iliyas. some other time okay? thanks for the reads though. sat at starbucks liat for 5 hours, thereabouts. talked about random things, random logics that makes you think, but at the same time cannot think about. okay, i do not make sense. here goes some quotable quotes.

"the grass is greener on the other side. but i do not like the colour green." we had an entire argument on this statement, which iliyas thought didn't make sense (irony) because then you'd just be happy in your own place, and not want to cross over. or as he says, can move backwords to a lesser green space. then it was modified to "the grass is greener on the other side, but i like the colour blue" but you see, this doesnt mean that you dislike the colour green. to make it more complete, or at least attempt to, we combined all of it: the grass is greener on the other side. i do not like green. i like blue. hahh.

and then we moved on to argue about the existence of a place, that requires the subject-object dichotomy. where subjects are meant to be things that sort of demarcate a space. hence a place will not be a place without the subjects. another big argument.

this went on, and on, and on. until rohai finally arrived. note. he meant to arrive at 9, but being his diva self, only made his appearance at 10. i had alot of fun. just talking about more random things. i needed to crack up. thanks for the company guys. i cannot wait for mambo tomorrow.

yes. and i am walking in circles. i am pacing up and down. sometimes 4 steps forwards, sometimes 4 steps back. where am i. i don't know. i refuse to know, perhaps. i get aggro sometimes, and indifferent at others. emotional spasms. i need to know, yet i refuse. thanks for all who've tried to help. all who've dispensed advice. i am a drama queen. take it easy. take it easy. breathe in. breathe out. yes, i'll be fine.

2007-05-07T16:27:00.000+08:00

today was far from monday blues. michael, my official gym buddy came over for a gym session early in the morning. after that, we felt the sun call out to us, and decided to pop down for a tan. boy, did the sun not spare us. it was hot and bright, but nice. talked, ate and just chilled. if only we had an ice box with chilled beer. perfect. eventually, the later part of the afternoon sun set in, and tired us out. or maybe we were just tired from eating and gymming. isn't this the life? it was a slow but happy day. i choose to lay some issues aside for now. let things cool down for abit. :)

2007-05-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

i asked you to lead me by your hand,
but you could not oblige
so now i'll walk on my own,
to wherever i please.
do not come after me -
i don't know if you will,
because i want to walk away.

2007-05-06T14:10:00.000+08:00

party week turned into disaster saturday. backtrack.

i wished Friday could last a lifetime and Saturday never came. Went out with the mother for a shopping spree in the morning. Bought a pair of pants, a nice black top, and a pair of Aldo shoes. Damn, i was trippy. But luck was also on my side. Sometimes, it's frustrating to walk around and find nothing. Headed home before rushing out to meet Ranon. Silly billy asked me to meet at city hall mrt, when the performing field was on the park mall side. We walked to Fort Canning, made one big round down to the other side. So there were two pathetic perspiring souls, having to stop at every juncture to navigate - US.

Midsummer Night's Dream wasn't fantastic. I'd give it A for effort, but nothing more. I wasn't blown away. I hated the postmodern and intertextual take on it, with the insertion of pop tunes. The lack of time period with regard to costume was another bummer for me. But the extensive, infinite space of the 'stage' was lovely. I loved the 'unintended signs' of people walking on the stage/wooden planks to get to their places. I was trying to make meaning of it. Yes. Semiotics. It's all part of the performance.

starlight starbright.

We made our way down to Home Club after the show. It took us another 20 minutes or so to find the shortest route down to park mall, because the staircases were conjested. Anyway, it was Ranon's first time for an indie night. I tend to get worried about people getting bored. But i guess he enjoyed himself. Bumped into so many dungeonites, the regulars and other people. Love the music. Love the people. Love the beer.

Disaster Saturday was only four hours away by the time i got home. Meant to wake up at 8, but i got up to a nagging voice of the mother at 10. Went to do some last minute grocery shopping and began my preparation for the night. I've never stood so long in the kitchen before, almost six hours. I cooked too much pasta, and now i'm probably stuck with it for the entire week. Here comes the carb overload. What was meant to be a birthday party became a drunken fest. There was no cake cutting, no surprise, no whipped cream frenzies.

Dinner was served and the boys started drinking Chivas. Cass's "no alcohol until after 10pm" threats did not work. Played some cards and drinking games. And by this time, many of the BOYS were high. My house was turned topsy turvy. The noise could be heard across the causeway, doors were being banged and a particular boy crashed in the showering tray in my toilet, then slid himself down my staircase. I say boy(s), with reference to those turning 20 this year. My other friends came one after another. I had to attend to them, and look after the drunktards, and clear the tables, wash up. I was at my wits' ends. Thank goodness for Chris, Cass, Liza and Denzil who kept my sanity. I'm glad Shaun, Noelle, Rohai, Josh, Iliyas, Miller and Ewan cracked me up when i was all about to cry. I hoped you all enjoyed the free 'entertainment'. I felt like a terrible host. By this time, there was one guy sleeping at my carpark downstairs with two guys attending to him, one guy in my room puking his guts out, and a bunch of people standing outside my gate just chilling. I couldn't offer them my company, and i felt extremely bad. So we splashed a particular someone with 10 pails of water, hauled him into the cab, and sent him home. He was a deadweight, and very very heavy. We had to drag him, barefoot, and half naked, into the cab.

I didn't finish clearing up until late, sat down and talked to cass, liza, chris and denzil for abit before they headed home. I broke down. I'm glad my parents spared me a lecture this morning. They asked some pretty silly questions, and they were pretty cool with what happened. I quote the mother, "it's okay if he's drunk, just don't behave like a barbarian. Just sit down quietly and rest."

2007-05-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

today's the first time i've walked out of the exam hall before the paper ended, especially for a lit paper. this time i set my mind to finish writing before the actual time so i could leave earlier and not wait the dumb rituals of counting and tallying of scripts. hell, it was my last paper. those who've received panic phone calls from me, i applaud you for your patience. anyway, i could've written more, for sure. but it's that couldnt-be-botheredness that got in the way. hell, even wally stared at me like i was a freak, just because i finished a lit paper before the time it ended. no one finishes lit. hah. dinner at boat quay was a quiet affair, had a liberating mug of beer with iliyas before heading home. :)

i suddenly don't know what to do. i don't want to do anything, but one really cannot ever not do anything. even typing this pointless entry is doing something.

and so party week begins.

2007-05-03T10:29:00.000+08:00

i am 6 and a 1/2 hours away from my last paper. i feel like chickening out. take an mc, or something. but, i also realise that im 8 and a 1/2 hours away to beginning my wild post exam campaign. you see, the nature of things is as such. if i don't sit for the most horrifying paper, i will have less of a passport for wild parties. the liberating quotient just wouldn't be as high.

i haven't studied. renaissance is not just about religion. really, they should rename it christian english renaissance. and since when has literature been one dimensional? when wally asks, any thoughts? he actually means, do you have anything more to support my views? seriously. this is one lit class where a second opinion is unappreciated. and now you know why i'm dreading the paper.

time creeps, time flies. i need it to creep so i can stuff as much information as i can into my tiny brain. i want it to fly because, well, it's the start of madness. :)

cass. . .you're my online lover. hah.

2007-05-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

and so as promised, the pictures.

i'm loving the love

dancerrs

liza.me.ranon.victor.denzil

victor, desired?

fashion whores

we will last a lifetime

we love fairies and butterflies

she sizzles

wash hands, wash hands!

childish fantasies

three guys and a girl

all about the boobs and butts

when he was still sober

i am a rocker girl.roar.

i need some love

and some more gay photos. . .

i wouldn't want to be that piece of ice

so much for imitation

rAnOnNXx, VicTor CHeWzZzz and DenZil WoRzxX

what can i say

thanks for the loads of fun and the several other extras that came along

1. the pregnant woman imposter, who didnt wash her hands
2. the tranny without a bra
3. cat 1 cat 1
......... endless.

the theatre paper today was alright. i have a tendency to overwrite for the first question and then write rubbish for the second, because all my brain power has been exercised. ugh. i'm dreading tomorrow's paper. it'll mark the end of exams, but it'd also leave me with that gnawing feeling of frustration, and exasperation.

thursday, friday saturday. i cannot wait. i want this week to last a lifetime. :)

i want to quit school and sell ice cream.

2007-04-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

everyone wants a bangkok revolution. new wardrobe, cheap drinks and trannys without bras. (CASS, LIZA, DENZIL, VICTOR, RANON. . you all get what i mean)

i'm excited for december cass!
i already have post exam plans -

83 hours til the end of exams;
107 hours til mid summer night's dream;
131 hours until the post exam party at mine.

(i hear cass's voice, CONCENTRATE)

scissors.
pape-
r
(sss)
tone;

i don't know what it'd be,

but for sure,
it'd be three on three/

love. pictures will be up soon, when a certain R comes back from drunken stupor part 985749847383947.

2007-04-26T23:19:00.000+08:00

fingers move up and down
those ebony and ivory keys
and your ears hear -
a melancholic melody.

don't get me wrong. i'm not in an emo i-want-to-slit-my-wrists state. punch a wall or break something, maybe. i wish i could map my mind out, have specific longitudinal and lattitudinal references for each thought so i don't get all tangled up so often.

the past always haunts us although we might say that it's forgotten. my pubescent years were a mess, and i'm afraid to step back onto that rollercoaster. No doubt it did take me through my highest highs, but also my lowest lows.

what i'd take from it if i could, was that ruthless confidence that i had. perhaps it was an exaggerated act to mask my insecurities. I've become the girl who plays it safe. I don't want to take the shortcut and stumble only to inflict the same pain upon myself. I'd rather endure the drudgery of the longer, more tiring alternative route.

This has been pointless rambling. Ignore.

2007-04-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

Ryan is the most amazing choreographer and instructor EVER. Never cast doubt on his works. CJ SYF was spectacular. I was in awe. Truly a visual spectacle. Congratulations.

I'm finally getting into the studying mode. I cannot let my insecurities get the better of me. It sucks to be second best, really.

Retreat. Should I raise the white flag? And only to regret it later?

Thanks Jenna, Cass, Mike for hearing me out.

We think we know full well of the consequences of our actions, but do we really? The failure in judgment is a great tragedy, but it's a risk that we eventually need to take. A very calculated one. This is the most agonizing solitary activity.

2007-04-22T13:32:00.000+08:00

i've lost my bearings
i don't know where i am
lead me by your hand
guide me through this strange land
so that i may find my way back home

exams, exams, exams. i've suddenly lost the drive to study. my mind is so cluttered. i lie in bed all night struggling to sleep. and my eyes finally give way when the sun rises. it's painful. i hate phases of insomnia.

the mtec course is extremely useful. thank you yongzhi for taking time out, and being so patient. we recorded a bossa track yesterday. although i have no clue what or how to play, my fingers just moved with the groove, along the whites and blacks on the keyboard. it was liberating. if only we did that all night, then maybe i wouldnt have felt so. . . . it's not the emo phase. it's just a moment you cannot pin down with words; indescribable. you think and think and think. and you realise that really, you're on your own. anything real is frightening.

i guess gymming helps me let all that out. alot. but how frustrating to know that even though you've let out all that emotion, the back of your mind is still occupied. RAHRR. i need to break something or punch someone. no, i won't shoot. haha.

cass: yes, pineapples, salad and chicken breasts. they're delicious treats! (do not roll your eyes here) haha.

2007-04-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

i'm pulling at the strings not knowing where my fingers would end up, or where the strings might end. i'm pulling them in random sequences. when i close my eyes, the pleasure of running my fingers in that upward motion is inexplicable. nevermind the occasional cuts from friction. my fingers are ceaselessly pulling. they don't get weary. i can't see the end, i have no idea where my fingers are going. they just pull and pull and pull...
and i'm hooked.

2007-04-16T15:08:00.000+08:00

I'm walking on a tight-rope.
I'm in limbo.

2007-04-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

have i mentioned how much i love my dance mates??

jenna: the hair-raising crazy woman

cass: screamy high pitched voice

claud: miss smally

liza: mighty washboard abs

victor: CHEW-y. (although i don't know what that's supposed to mean)

weijie: he pops like his body's dislocated.

luke: the indie boy.

In a collective, they make me trippy. Understatement. They could make my sun rise from the west. Brooklyn Rock at DXO last weekend was crazy. It was amazing being surrounded by people who can dance. That's a rarity for clubs in Singapore. O School's performance was SMASHING. Surely, it was a night to remember.

I've been held up with essay datelines and tests the past few weeks. Thank goodness the dateline for the Renaissance paper was extended until today. I mulled over and re-did the essay 3 times over the week. Thanks Ramona, for all the help. I am crazy in that sense, i suppose. Competitiveness is good. :) Plus, it's not like I didn't have time. With all that out of the way, it's time for revision. I fear for my grades this semester. Cass, i had a wonderful time studying with you. Don't forget Monday okay? love.

For now, it's back to slumberland.

2007-04-05T02:14:00.000+08:00

i've sacrificed my passion for i-don't-know-what. i thought not having the time was a valid excuse, but it made me feel worse. it's been eating me up, these past 6 months. so, i've made it a point. o school, here i come again.

i thought i threw in the towel because school work was overwhelming. apparently not. i have no clue what it was either. not dancing was killing me. i felt no desire to dance without my old team, without ryan. pride and the lack of confidence, perhaps. deep down, i knew i'd never be as good as i wished. and so maybe i thought all this was futile. nevermind now, because i'm back. hopefully it'd revive me.

i'm still struggling. YOU. i'm begging to be free. please. it's been too long. just do something to hurt me. make me hate you. NO! make me indifferent. make yourself not matter to me. because i can't do it alone. the tears have ended, and so has the sorrow. the pain is morbid. i'm holding out fine now; coming to terms that i'd never stop loving you. yet it isn't fair to ask you to do the same. you've moved on, haven't you?
well, i guess that'd do for now. when i break, we'll see what happens then. well, you wanted to help me, no?

sometimes i wished i had carried on that wonky life. not turned into someone so practica, and skepticall. then at least i'd live for the moment. be happy there and then; there'd be no past, present or future. each day would be new. now, that would be nice.

2007-04-03T18:04:00.000+08:00

we'd stand on the promenade out in the rain.

let us be the present tense.
even if it's just for one second.

you've cut off your end of the leash
and the remaining bits are still around my neck.

you were the best thing that ever happened to me. i've tried to let go. maybe tried too hard. it's absurd, really. but i know it'll never happen.

i'll be your tormented soul; under your spell
forever.

2007-03-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

the presentations last week did not go quite as well as i envisioned. one kicked some serious ass, whilst the other was below par. i am competitive. VERY. and so i shall coop myself up in the library over the weekends from now on. it helps to be a tech noob and here's why. my humongous, old and ditsy laptop somehow can't connect to the school's network. and even my tech savvy friend gave up. so now, even if i do bring my laptop to school, i am inclined to actually work, as opposed to watching funny you-tube things or check out hot bOiX bOiZz on friendster (no, i don't actually do that). why not have it checked, you ask. well, i am lazy, remember? that, i do not deny.
so well, the past week has been AMAZING. a lot of great happenings. interpop's bring your own music event was also celest's farewell. i'm going to miss you babe.
Watched coppelia on friday - major catch up session with Cass and Jen. you girls know how much you mean to me. The ballet was breathtaking. The extensions, the turns, the humour, they all added up. But sometimes when I do watch dance performances, i become despaired - for not fighting hard enough at that time. I should've known. Dance was my life. I should never have given ballet up. Well, that's all in the past.
My 151 bus got into an accident last thursday. At the junction of Kent Ridge Drive. I was a starving girl standing in the rain, and the police took AGES. I am, however, thankful that no one was seriously hurt. Even the biker, even though he spun, he wasn't severely wounded. It was quite shocking actually. You know, the whole cliched notion of taking your life for granted? Well... I felt it right then.
Anyway, I'm a little disappointed. Watching the Clouds go By tickets are sold out on friday and wednesday. And i end class at 8pm on thursday. And I was so looking forward to it.

Daniel: thanks for posting and keeping up with my blog. i'll link you up soon. :)

2007-03-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

ME: I'm emo. Life sucks, i screwed up my essay, my test and...

FRIEND(S): Well, don't be. I'm sure everything will turn out fine. Anyway, that's been the case for the past ten weeks isn't it? Or rather, the past 20 years you've been living.
**Note: they are represented as a collective voice.

ME: (laughs)No, I don't know really. I think it's school. I used to get in and out this cycle all the time, but now it's just there. There's no exit sign. Maybe it's just life now in general. . .sort of meaningless.

FRIEND(S): You need a sense of purpose.

ME: I know. But I can't seem to find any. Most things just slip through my fingers afterawhile. After all, good things don't seem to last.

I need to deal with myself. I keep saying that, but I have no ~~energy~~ guts to. I can't face the realities of loss. It's a one-way track. Nothing gained, always some things lost. The most important things. You're there. You listen. You cry when they hurt almost as if you feel their heartbeat in sync with yours. And . . . you cry alone when you're hurting, because they have someone else.

I sound like a pathetic fool. Some emotional alcohol infested angsty teenage girl who needs regular therapy. No. I don't cut myself. Because I don't have guts, remember? I like people to be happy, no matter how painful. Even when I have to be the person to walk away, I don't mind. I take it all in one big breath and move on. Now, it's all coming back to me. Hurting. I know I'm not even in a position to rant. They are consequences. I should be old enough to deal with it. But when you know you're just never good enough and all your life, you'll just be second best. . .

People come, people go. You'd think they'd be there forever, because they'd promise you that. "Don't worry, I'll be here! You've got me."
And you tell yourself not to fall into that. You withdraw and put up these brick walls, and they hack into them. You give in. They walk away.

A call comes several months later. One of those "How've you been?" things.
And then who knows, the voicemail might greet them saying, "Hi, it's me. I'm not around anymore. I'm dead. Yes, I prepared this for you. I had no one."

I am a tragedy. So what.

In a game of hide and seek, the hider and seeker is alternated because it gets to tiring.

I wished I had the guts to maybe jump off the building into the crisp air and then land with a dying smile. Oh yes, and I'd leave that voicemail message too. Just in case.

2007-03-12T16:35:00.000+08:00

Time needs to slow down. School seems to have just begun not long ago, and the end of the semester is nearing. I need more time to do more things; and not feel so old.
Sidenote, there's an insect flying around in my room. It resembles a mosquito but I'm quite sure it isn't. But all's the same; survival instinct - get it before it gets you. So I've been frantically clapping around my room for the past 15 minutes trying to kill the damn thing, but it always manages to escape. dammit. I bet the insect's probably laughing at me.
Grandpa's in the hospice care. And it pains me to not be able to cry or grief or anything like that. Indeed, there're many explanations for that; but really, i don't need them now, and i just want to be able to feel.
My liver's been overloaded with poison the past week and i need to sort myself out. the weird thing though, is that i don't actually want to. shrugs.

home club kids

legs baby, and a waist-less joe.

the not smiling joe

at the clinic when we were not so drunk

celeste and i

the deadly effects of 5-10

**tim: thanks :)

2007-03-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

the universal social dynamic thrives on irony, misconstrued ideals, and the worse of it all, consumerism. i'm actually very ashamed to be the victim of my own disdain. just think how media giants are buying up independent films, giving names to independent music which previously had no place. we all sell out. it's sickening. to be different is to be the same.
on another note, last sunday's new paper fell into my hands and there was this feature on an activist against trans-fat. looks like i have company. trans-fat kills. and labels should be put in place. STOP TRANS-FAT
anyhows, i met up with jenna for Paris Je T'aime this afternoon. I liked it. She didn't quite understand it, to say the least. It's an interpretative film (i think) and definitely not for anyone going for plot sequences or resolutions. i added three more cds to my collection, and so my sad-happy pyschological make-up leans toward :)

2007-03-06T00:20:00.000+08:00

i meant to blog more often as of the last entry, but my thoughts are/were as convoluted as my intestines. that's when the backspace key becomes useful, as opposed to white out, liquid paper or blank-o. and you know, the green peace movement too. less paper wasted. (okay, this argument could take another turn but that's not the point)
so i chickened out and dropped the philosophy module, because the lazy bones spoke their peace. three essays over the mid-sem cum chinese new year break requires too much thought, perhaps even for socrates himself. well, maybe not. since he mopes around all day long finding things to talk about and then comes up with revoloutionary concepts; some interesting, and others no.
so i've been out and about again. by which i mean having late nights infested with gallons of alcohol. it's funny how vice(s) are the biggest money making stimuli. but then it's not quite so difficult to understand. after all eve ate of the fruit and coerced adam into doing the same thing. sometimes i wished only eve ate of the fruit. men wouldn't be so difficult then, would they?

daniel: erhh. sorry for the late reply. but which daniel are you? oops.

2007-02-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

CNY, as predicted, was a quiet affair. Mainly sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping. Somehow it gives you the full passport not to do anything without feeling guilty. But with the prospect of school drawing near, that momentary feeling of being free is surely dampened.
Met up with Jenna dear on Monday to catch Little Children. The non-linear directing was an immediate hit with me. We meant to hit ben and jerry's to find it closed. ARGH. Got caught in the rain with our tiny brollies which was yet another sucker. But this girl makes up for it all. :) Too bad we weren't in the photo-whoring mood.
Just yesterday, i met up with my girlies (after the longest time) and of course ansley to do our old thing, at a different place. Hit up St James' for the first time. The crowd was quite awful, from pseudo vintage girls with overdone eye liner shoving their way around to ah bengs gyrating quite non-discreetly in white t-shirts and dog tags. The fashion misses were more than its hits, and i spotted a whole lot of perving cheena men. Also now that my taste level for music has possibly been refined, the rnb music also wasn't hitting me up enough. I didn't like the sound system, but the worst part was the neverending queue for drinks. Nevertheless, we had fun, like the old times. Hudah, Fadz - we've grown up haven't we. No more sleazy sidewalk drunken stupors; no more bad alcohol, and no more podium acts. :) I still love you girls.

Just like it was yesterday. . .

hair pull

drunk on love

red kills

lesbo action

2007-02-21T14:54:00.000+08:00

she lies there emotionless with a cigarette in hand;
the rings of smoke engulf her like whirlwind and
she shuts her eyes hoping to end her life at that very.
moment.

2007-02-17T15:55:00.000+08:00

i can't believe even cors is taking a chinese new year break. that's quite hilarious. okay, so this year gong xi won't be so fa cai for reasons aplenty. all the cousins have grown up and we don't 'play' anymore. this was the common factor that previously bonded us. with growing up, everyone has their own set of problems, friends and lives and therefore hardly even meet up. i know of cousins who are the closest of beings, and it's sad that my cousins and i don't fall into that category. it's either they're too busy, or they don't value blood as much as i do. i also forsee the dwindling hong bao collection because my uncle's not inviting people to his house this year because there're too many family feuds amongst his in-laws - mostly about money, which is the silliest thing of all. to forsake blood for money, or leech onto someone for money. tsk. and then on my mother's side, well, things aren't fine anymore. in fact, things have been becoming more and more sour over the years. chinese new year has become a quiet affair to catch up on sleep and school work. gong xi fa cai everyone.

2007-02-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

because i'm such a tech noob, i refused to switch to the new blogger until i was made to. and then i spent another few days figuring out why i couldn't post. apparently internet explorer doesn't support the new blogger. and i don't like change. so now not only do i have to use new blogger, i have to use firefox. sigh. for other reasons unknown as well, the comments suddenly rolled out like a summon scroll when i switched to the new blogger. so i apologise for not replying and taking action. so vane, yeah, i'll remove you from the links and cal, i'll link you up. all this will be done soon, i promise.
recently, i've been conjuring up weird motion pictures in my head. some are scary, others just bizarre. I was peering out my window one very late night and I wanted to jump out. Not because I was emo or anything, but it just felt right, and luring. That’s another scary thought. Youth seems to dispose of immunities to everything, and anything. and the truth is we don't know how vulnerable we are. We could just perish in the very next moment.

2007-02-08T08:46:00.000+08:00

nothing much has been going on save for the same old emotional limbo state i'm always in. rather, there're many little things happening that are affecting me, and putting my thoughts into words will never be justified. in translating from one medium to another, there is the problem of representation, and many a time, the truest essence of the event will be lost. i don't want to lose that.
on another note, how silly it is that mid term break and chinese new year coincide this year. arghhh. and all the papers are due right after. what a bummer.

2007-01-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

they sit by the window pane sipping chardonnay.
the awkward silence -
a moment of romance gone awry
he moves toward her and picks her up;
yearning to redeem himself at a touch.
he moves his hand along her body
strips her off her pretty lingerie
where the jewels sparkle against her naked skin
gentle and soft
cold
she lets him, then
shuts her eyes as she backs off in a two step motion
he struts toward her simultaneously,
grabs hold of her, harder this time
she traps herself in his grasp
counting down the hours until dawn breaks;
where her dignity will once again be restored.

2007-01-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

im done fighting. im done caring, for any living thing at all. well, maybe i could leave my mum out of this, just maybe. no matter how, being nice just doesn't pay. you get thanked and remembered for 5 seconds, after which your giving nature vanishes into molecules. or you get that weak pseudo reassuring smile that tells you how pathetic you are. friendships, relationships, familial ties, any form of person to person interaction. no more. it hurts too much to care, and i end up as the invisible, unimportant one. even the greatest king would crumble after 19 years of battling. and the saddest thing - tears mean nothing now. i can't cry. anymore.

2007-01-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

i'll call this week mad week double o seven, simply because it sounds more interesting. somehow, my psychic prowess tells me 2007 wouldnt be such a good year, because 2006 ended on a bad note, the lack of closure, probably. the progression from 06-07 was almost unnoticeable. but amidst all the wellwishes, i shall put on an optimist veil.
after the barbecue at victor's the dancers finally met up again, this time with only 5 of us turning up. wished the rest of you guys could've been there. then, because jenna was in bintan or some island tanning, i met her on saturday. in a bid to getaway from crowds, we met at coronation, devoured the terayaki beef and popiah at cosy corner, then headed down to serene centre for ice cream and a dvd rental. decided to walk from serene centre back home, since we were going to eat our ice cream anyway. i think long walks are my therapy for the year. back to mine, we watched the black dahlia. it's one of those movies that require concentration because it plays mind games, tiring but enjoyable nonetheless. too bad we didn't camwhore.
jenna tan, i love you! we should have gone tanning that day babe!
met up with my girlies on a visit back to cj. as always, the nostalgia hit the minute we stepped in. bumped into khai and teresa. spoke with our old teachers, sat in the canteen. talked and ate whilst the booming cheers (that all orientations had) made rude intrusions. and then we stared at the facilitators, then at the j1s, and laughed at ourselves back then. how scary it is that it's already been 2 years. scary i say.
finally caught night at the museum. funny, as all ben stiler movies are, but not as much as i'd hoped it to be. well, no expectations right? blood diamond, on the other hand, was terrific. leonardo di caprio is effectively, THE MAN. perfect company + good movie = :)
well, the reality is, however, school has started. i picked my modules rather irrationally this semester, and so i'd be saying hello to a mount everest of readings, assignments and tests. lets hope i don't get buried under, though.
ps. pictures will be up soon. <3

2007-01-05T19:13:00.000+08:00

i've never done new year's resolutions for a long time. i feel no need to. human nature works on impulse, and we thus should do things however, whenever, wherever we want to. are we shouldnt place ourselves in the comfortable middle zone and use the word 'try', because sub-consciously, trying is as good as not wanting to do something. decisions should be converted into actions almost immediately, then rendering new year's resolutions quite futile. but of course, every motivational speaker's tagline would be, it's always good to plan your personal progress step by step. that i don't deny. but planning on paper, regardless how nicely drawn will not matter, it is that mental effort that counts. besides, life is already a string of irrational events where planning is a concept conjured by the human mind for stability's sake.

2006-12-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

" 'tis the season to be jolly...", and my girlies surely made this the greatest season in all of 2006. And I surely don't want January to come. . .
The Christmas season began with family dinner at Lemongrass on the eve, then interpop at home club with my girlies and lovin' friends owning the console. The next morning it was church, and then luncheon with family friends, and yet another dinner with the family. To end it off, it was dinner on boxing day at jem's place with reiner, yongzhi, juliana, foong, steph and sarah. There's definitely more food, parties, drinks and girly lovin' to be trippy about this joyful season :) can't wait.
on a less exciting note, results were released today. i did okay. nothing spectacular. we'll see what happens this coming semester when i do the modules i want, instead of those i'm required to do. planning the timetable is nerve-wrecking. let's hope i can give myself a 3 day week this time. :)

2006-12-21T01:08:00.000+08:00

i got molested on the train yesterday. if not for the peak hour traffic, i'd have kicked him where it hurts most. i wanted to get out of the shoving and all he did was keep pushing me from behind, next thing i knew, i caught a glimpse of his hand sliding backwards when i felt something on my thigh. i should've done something and all i did was call my friend to rant really loudly on the phone. blame it on the crowd. it really beats me why singaporeans have to rush for the train. i mean, the capacity is fixed, and if you know you can't get on this one, why not wait til the next one? it's just 5 minutes difference. so i hope this bastard burns in hell and meets with the most tragic death.

i checked the new play writing module offered by my school and realised i needed to send in a short script and a couple of works. looks like it's essay time and the dateline's 26th. i'm just really pinned on submitting a good piece. but that can wait, for now, i'm basking in infinite joy.

in the cab on the way home, i thought, damn ... i'm so shagged i need a good bath and sleep. BUT. it's such a wonderful day that i couldnt help NOT switching on my laptop. and once that's done. click. click. click.
today was a girly-lovin' infested day, and I WANT MORE. two jewels back in Singapore on the same day, and everyone was present. with them around, who needs drugs. it sucks there's just so much to do but so little time. :( dell: I LOVE THE PRESSIE HUN. MWA.

mccafe trippy

qian.sarah.sarah.

della bella

amar.dell.sah.qian at same ol' Liat

another good thing happened. i must have done alot of good lately, because good karma actually came round on my side. i left my phone in the cab, and i didn't realise until i wanted to save someone's number in my phone. i had a panic seizures for the next 5 minutes thinking some dirtbag must have taken it. BUT. the cabbie and his previous passengers were such angels; he even offered to deliver the phone to my place. I AM THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON THE PLANET. wheeeeeeeee.

2006-12-18T21:54:00.000+08:00

ahh. rain is nice. it's the bridge between sad and happy, at least for me. with all this free time and so much thinking, i might make it to the level of plato or aristotle or one of those incredible beings . . . . in my dreams. my dvd line up for the week was Garden State, Before Sunset and Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, all of which I've watched countless times. Movies always draw you into another world, placing the fictitious adjacent to the real. It's realistic because it uses real people, dialogue, events, that convinces the audiences that such things could happen to them. I mean, that's why kids jump off the 92nd storey thinking they're superman right? Just like how I'd like to have my memory erased, or meet the love of my life in Vienna, then meet him 9586759675967 years later in Paris by coincidence and have him miss his flight back home. And then you realise that these things are just not possible. When the movie ends, you feel lost - like you've entered a twilight zone and now you're back out. just. there. stoned. wishing. for nothing. they say artists (performers, writers...) are the greatest liars. they make you believe, albeit momentary. from screen to book; on a rainy day, bad omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett is a hilariously good read. so this is how my holidays will while themselves away amidst those Christmas jingles and blinking lights.

2006-12-17T20:21:00.000+08:00

It's such a pity i missed out on Interpop's third session last wednesday, much thanks to vinish and his overdose of vodka ruby red tuesday night, leaving me hungover and sick on wednesday. for those who don't already know, interpop is a dj collective formed by my dear friends for the love of music both local and abroad. missed out on the last gig too? don't fret. there's another one coming up.

That's right, pop it with us this Christmas Eve at Home Club - 20 Upper Circular Road, #B1-01/06 The Riverwalk, Singapore 058416. not convinced? here's the line up.
Bands...
1. Shamejoannshame
2. 1234X
3. Soutnik
4. Audio visual set by EffPan (melbourne)
DJs...
1. Lucinda
2. Kevin Wu
3. Sujin Thomas

AND NOT FORGETTING MY DEAR FRIENDS... <3

4. Shaun, Daniel, Noelle and Melvin (interpop)

THE BEST PART? Free entry for all tertiary students. For the rest, it's 12 bucks per entry with one free drink. It's a party not to miss, mark my words. Celebrate this Christmas the indie way with Interpop! :) see you all.

2006-12-14T18:08:00.000+08:00

exams ~~are~~ were over (a week back?), and i'm feeling quite displaced. some things seem amiss without school - no readings, no essays, no common tests... maybe i'm a freakazoid. there isn't even holiday homework now, not that i'm complaining.
so the post exam itinery has been quite wild. barbecue with the cj dancers, home club, alcohol infested nights, catching up with ann, spring cleaning my filthy room, and movie marathons. a nice balance between home, self, family, friends and party. i like it. there's more to come though, so much catching up to do with so many people. i'm counting down to dell's and sah's arrival. that'd be the finest Christmas present. :) if you girls are reading this, i cannot. CANNOT wait. i'm already planning the slumber party, sah. (read: i might just kidnap you in my house and not let you go anywhere).
so everyone's drawing up their Christmas list for ~~Santa~~ friends. Some people say not wanting anything is the key to happiness (not that i believe happiness exists in the first place). I used to think that way. all the if i didnt crave for this, that or whatever else those consumer suckers put out on the retail shelves, then i'd be contented. AHHH. Materialism. Others also believe that if one were to compare themselves to the 'lesser fortunate' then they'd see life as more than fulfilling. This is the way i see it, though. Yes. The list of wants, if dissolved, will make us more contented. Yet, the basic act of wanting is human nature. And it's probably that which confirms our existence in the here and now. Because it is so human to want something more, it humanizes us, draws us back down to earth. Perhaps it's the only way we can feel as the world gradually becomes more decadent. So draw up your Christmas list friends, but don't thrive your soul on it. If Santa thinks you've been good, I'm sure he'll place it in your stocking this Christmas eve. :)

2006-12-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

Dream away on the motions
of a spinning wheel that
turns without no rest on
that constant gear

Draw me the key. that
ceases this painful repetition
I want it three inches with two ridges.
Short.
Long. Respectively.

A perfect fit to unwind
MONO-TONY;
Reversing this tiresome motion.
Where my eyes look on with
such excitement until -
Another key needs to be drawn.

what's worst than having an open wound sliced open?
when will it all end. maybe i should just walk away. go. fly. die.

2006-11-24T13:45:00.000+08:00

my 19th birthday will be unforgettable. as i've said, the poolside party was a smashing hit.
on tuesday, yihan and al (twinkles, sparkly) took me, (blink) out for a lovely evening. it started off at equinox, where we watched the sunset and sipped martinis and asahi beer (heh). then it was off to Fullerton to indulge ourselves in French cuisine. It was exquisite. There was this staircase to the top of the building too, where the view of the skyline was breathtaking, despite the rain. Everything was so pretty and nice. Lovely. It's something I will remember, always. Thereafter it was off to home club to chill with some good ol indie music.

I haven't celebrated a birthday like I had in ages. Here's to the last year of the 'teen'. cheers. may there be many happy returns with loads of champagne and beer. :) I love my twinkles and sparkly. <3>But of course, I couldnt do without photowhoring...

the pool party

happy birthday to me

chocolate spa is the new trend; didn't they tell you chocolate cream was good for your skin?

the usual cake smashing practice

my attempts at retaliation failed miserably

AT HOME CLUB..

shaun.noelle.qian

the 'sexy beast' and i

she's a gorgeous thing

the indie clan

TWENTY FIRST NOVEMBER TWO-O-O-SIX. THE FULLERTON HOTEL

sparkly, blink, and...

twinkles

what a beautiful birthday :)

On a separate note, today was the practical examination for theatre. our absurdist concept kicked some major ass. thanks shaun and yihan for everything! the judges expressed interest and delight no doubt, but there were things we could have done to make it better. and they were things glaring right in our faces. if only we had a director. hmmm. well, it just sucks to not be able to achieve perfection i suppose. but for now, i have to worry about my lit paper tomorrow.

THE CAST OF THE TOTAL LEONARD EXPERIENCE

2006-11-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

The birthday was fantabulous - until i got dunked. Which wasn't short of expectations, really. What was, however, was the numerous times they managed to get me. Argh. I thought I was smarter than that. The cake wasn't just smashed into my face either; I was made to undergo a sort of cake body spa treatment. And of course, I was all oily and gross after the whole experience, but a load of fun nonetheless.
Home club was the next destination on our list. The crowd was kickin' good! :) Came home happy and exhausted - that's my birthday for you.

2006-11-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

I need to blog, but I don't know what to blog about. I'm in a mood. I'm blogging already. And I still don't have anything to say. I'm rambling. And that's blogging.

I should probably write this for my new media test on Singapore blogging tomorrow.

Meanwhile, anyone looking for a job? I'm looking for someone to work for me. To write my essays. I'll give you food, a bed, and a day off. Sounds good? Apply now. Mail me.

2006-11-10T19:36:00.000+08:00

its crunch time. everyone's munching on err. . . schoolwork. speaking of food, the canteen is closing down for renovations. eventually, this won't be a bad thing, because i'm hoping it will result in better cleanliness standards, more space, and less manouvring like i'm invisible woman when lunchtime hits. prior to that, however, we poor arts students have to crawl our way to eusoff hall, central library and various other obscure places to dig for food. talk about scavengers. migration's always luring, but not when it means having to walk 4985749574985797km to for that little of a better life.
the 2nd interpop was a hit. i'm their first official groupie. like someone was saying, i dance to every damn tune. that's the thrill. sing along to songs you know, and get educated to the ones you don't. indie music's almost like twilight zone. it makes you feel so happy :)
on a separate note, i can't believe they're putting up Christmas decorations so early. They usually start 3 weeks earlier. it seems now that every year they begin putting up all these sparkly things earlier and earlier. at this rate, i wouldnt be surprised if say the year 2340 had decorations all year round - where the christmas decorations evolve like some magical formulae into chinese new year ones and then back again for christmas. that'll just be ridiculous. our society is pretty much so anyway. so mark my words, even if its just pure ramble. for now.

2006-11-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

So i was doing my essay and suddenly i hear 'you fucking chee bye you'. you see, when it's the first time you're hearing your younger brother swear, it becomes hilarious. especially when you have a brother like mine, who seems pretty damn guai. it's almost like a certain L trying to become Chen Shui Bien. okay. bad analogy. Blame it on the weather.

2006-11-06T00:51:00.000+08:00

At some point(s), we believe the world's conspiring against us. Now's that point.

2006-10-20T15:55:00.000+08:00

INTERPOP was a BLAST! okay, so what if the turn out wasn't fantastically awesome. good music, extraordinary company and cheap beer made up for all of that. photowhoring was at its best.

Dungeon Union of NUS.

rockin' it out with DJs Shaun and Noelle.

we are rockstars. wannabe.

ben.andy.me.al

i hang out with a bunch of perverts

what a sweet couple

the three drunks

ben

interpop crew

the DJs and i

DJ Earn

andy

qian.alex.shaun

jeremy.naresh.al.qian.kel

DJs shaun and daniel

2006-10-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

INTERPOP
THE LATEST MUSE IN THE INDIE SCENE.

be there. you won't regret it.

ps: alex, shaun, daniel - see just how excited i am? can't wait guys. i'm sure you'll bring it down.

2006-10-01T22:13:00.000+08:00

In the past year, my hairdos have undergone the most drastic changes.

Here's looking back on the past 15 months' of funky, outrageous tresses. . .

Here's the latest addition, thanks to Alan.

2006-10-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

Dell Marie Butler is sorely missed.

LIAT - a place full of memories

Changi Airport - 23.09.2006

2006-09-30T13:25:00.000+08:00

So the recess week has passed with a blink of an eye, my primary focus having been indulgence in sleep and motion pictures. It's funny how I plan my life around TV - work, dates, gatherings, study time. It's sadly peculiar how TV is one of the few things I actually look forward to these days. I hope this novelty doesn't wear off, just because it makes my life go round. Grey's Anatomy has become my newest addiction (where OC and One Tree Hill seem so passe already). I follow it week after week on the local channel, but nothing beats watching consecutive reruns with a tub of choco ice cream. It makes me laugh, and it's nothing too heavy to digest. Perfect for a mentally, physically tired child. And Dr Shepherd is hot. Speaking of tv serials and hot male leads, I can't wait to get my hands on Prison Break Seasons One and Two. Wentworth Miller is insanely good looking. How can such a person be a human. You don't know how grateful I am for TV.

Anne Hathaway's stint in Devil's Wear Prada was so disappointing that even Meryl Streep's acting couldn't save the show. Top that up with a draggy, boring plot and you get a really unhappy movie-goer. Screw that. The high fashion was the only saving grace in the show. You see things you can't afford, feel like a pauper and then go window shopping at Paragon to drool over designers stuff. At least that's what I did. It's almost like jocks chasing chicks. They see a hot cheerleader, chat her up only to be slapped in their faces. John Tucker Must Die becomes John Tucker Will Cry. That, was a fabulously funny chick flick, where the slap stick comedy was done in control. Maybe I enjoyed it because I have no life, and anything amuses me quite easily nowadays, really.

On a really separate note, seeing the Sarah and Amar were like the icing on a mouldy fudge cake. We pigged out, talked, talked and talked. You girls make me swirl. : )) After a week of guilty indulgences, I've to get back to prep for presentations, datelines, tests, and figuring out my work life.

2006-09-18T12:45:00.000+08:00

School has seriously begun its full throttle. Think tons of assignments, tests and then the mid-sem break. I seem to be quite lost with too much freedom - and so we used to complain about the lack of it. Despite my sickly condition, I pulled myself together for Poptart's last gig at club Home with Alex. A little disappointed with the set but great company and beer surely made up for it. : ) I can't wait for Shaun's and Daniel's stint at Home. Should be swell!!!

2006-09-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

Being sick kills the mood to do anything. I feel like a living vegetable. What's more frustrating is when all forms of air supply is blocked - nose, ears, throat. ugh. School's better now then when it first started. So that's something to celebrate. :)
The reality of Dell's departure hasn't quite set in. Honestly, I'm afraid, not sure what of, but there surely is this element of fear. So whether or not you're reading this darling, I'm gonna miss you fuckloads, and you have been one AWESOME x 9845749574857458759875945745423231 (i cannot stress any further) friend. LOVE!

2006-09-05T01:45:00.000+08:00

the Singapore Bienalle is here; let's hope and pray i'll manage to squeeze some time out. no - I will and I MUST. Life's on the usual run with work and school, except that I really should be physically running at the gym. Unfortunately, I didn't make through for Overdrive, nor the NUS dance auditions. It's okay. I'm not in a condition to dance, at least not now. I've been out of it for so long it's almost quite scary. CJ dancers, I will be back soon. On top of that, school and work is really quite crazy as it is, and there's the neccessity to gym. I need more time, to do more things.

On a frivolous note, I shopped over the weekend with Jerms and blew my allowance on a pretty red dress, and anne klein shoes on 50% discount. And Nine West's having a sale too!! ARGHH! I want my paycheck. Anyway Jerms, at least our plan materialised this time ey? Cheers to us. : )

2006-08-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

I'm barely recovered from devastation. I had auditions for Nus Dance Blast today and the worst things that could've happened took its course. I walked out the studio feeling robbed; of my esteem. It was a simple 4 eights, to a simple tune. How could I not have got it right? Apparently all of us in my audition group got in (according to sources), but I remain sceptical. Only when the official call comes will I heave a sigh of relief. That's beside the point. I dance every routine with all I've got. Today I gave up. First time. Ever. And its this impending disappointment with myself that weighs heavily on my heart.

Another round of auditions this saturday. I'm really in need of a "hell yeah" from my favourite man - the ONLY Hatched Man, Mr Tommy Lee.

2006-08-22T23:03:00.000+08:00

happy yet sad
sociable yet reclusive
mummy's girl yet rebellious
pampered yet tough
I'm an enormous walking contradiction.

Had my first theatre practical session today. Nora Samosir is my teacher (she acted in masters of the sea, and some other shows), and she is awesome with that capital A. I made one two new friends. Alex and Amy. Uni life is getting more exciting; less lonely.

Overdrive auditions are this saturday. The guy just called me telling me to choreograph a routine with accompanied music by this saturday - 2 minutes. I am freaked out. I have tons of readings and assignments due. I have work and my bar test coming up. Life is as busy as it gets; stressful yet fun and free. I told you I'm a walking contradiction. . .

2006-08-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

I hate reminiscing. It's pointless and makes me sad. My mind needs to compartmentalise itself. The past has to be padlocked, and its key thrown into the open sea (never found).
I abhor my tears. I'd revel in self-pity then spit at my sorry state in disgust. Why is fear such a hinderance now? I used to be stronger than this. I am thoroughly shamed.

2006-08-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

i've been busy. school, work, gym, home. It's goodbye Indochine and hello to NUS. My farewell at Indochine's Amex 70's retro night was rockin' funky. AND MR LKY decided to drop by as well. =) couldn't have been better.

This is it, Indochine Forbidden City. Elegance . . .

Give it up for DJ Kenneth and Chef Mike

The Jackson Twins, Angie and I

Haan the man and Angie

My boss, yes my boss, PHET TEA, me, Angie and Yew Meng. All retro-ed and ready to party!

The Indochine Crew (almost) in Full Force

Not forgetting the most important mEn - Ma and MM Lee

2006-07-28T10:11:00.000+08:00

Today's my last day at work!! Yippee yay! It's also our last rehearsal before the big explosion night. Frankly, I'm not excited as I was, I don't know why. But I'm so glad to be free from all commitments, even for a week. I could wake up anytime, do my dance classes, basically, my time is mine now and I'm not answerable to anyone anymore. That's not to say I won't miss working. My Indochine stint has been memorable and much happier these last few weeks. I wonder if it's because I know I'd be leaving soon. But that's life. You'll only remember the good times and miss them, and not the bad ones.

I was on the way to work and I captured some cool, hip, funky 'aunties'. Guys, this is 'aunty revolution'!! Classic I tell you.

Check out her trendy shades, she's caught onto the shades craze! Looks like she's not lagging behind in her VOGUE and ELLE.

We have our ipods, handphones and magazines to keep out our boredom on the train. This 'aunty' has her gameboy. Look closely. I wonder if it's super mario or pacman she's playing.

2006-07-26T12:18:00.000+08:00

I feel handicapped. I don't know what it is. Probably the lack of proper dancing and reading. heck, i don't even touch the papers now, except for the occasional glance at headlines. It sucks and school's starting in a week. I'm excited but pretty nervous. I've upped my expectations this time; I don't know if I can manage first term after mental stagnation for 7 months. It's scary really, how much you forget in such a short time. On the bright side, it'll all come back, I'm sure, one day. . .

2006-07-24T14:52:00.000+08:00

Caught Pirates over the weekend; it wasn't fantabulous like the first instalment, but still enjoyable. Bummed with Saha and his fractured ankle on Sunday. It was hilarious; attracting weird stares, helping him to stop traffic... This dude was sucha good sport, hobbling around town with an umbrella for support with the most patience I've ever seen. THE ULTIMATE, accompanying me shopping. He's a role model guys!! Caught his friend's band playing for tapestry, Dolls Trash, or something to that effect. Really neat. Wasn't a particularly crazy weekend, but great company was all I needed. All the best for the op yes Saha. And get back on your feet soon and we'll start rollin' on decks again. :)

2006-07-22T13:29:00.000+08:00

Let's backtrack a little to last weekend.

was AWESOME. Although I only managed to catch the Velvet Teen on Saturday's set the company of SZ KORNERZ did it:). Sunday's set was equally anticipating. Beezewax, Concave Scream, The Posies and Calerway; enough to get me high. Too bad I didn't have any camera with me. But what I got was .. The Posies' guitar pick and one drum stick, a photo with Calerway and their autograph on my belt. Be jealous people. WOOT. :)

Fast forward. . . .
The morning of yesterday saw me heading down to CJC. It's good. I always get great vibes when I'm in that school. Ms Butler snuck me into the staff room. T'was good seeing my beloved history teachers. And now that my very own friend is relief teaching there, I do know what goes on behind the students' eyes. ALOT OF WORK. really.
Afternoon was exhausting, annoying and hot all rolled into one, a deadly combination i tell you. Met aishah to go for our medical. Despite arriving early, the queue was already on its way to Johor. The NUS administration is either highly understaffed, or very very messed up. They give out queue nunbers, and yet we have to queue for each station - height/weight, eye check, urine and blood test, body examination, xray. I mean, couldnt one doctor do everything per patient? DUH. We were all hyper laughing away like hyenas at first, but as time wore on, our faces turned to sour prunes. IT WAS BAD. We spent FIVE FUCKING HOURS getting our bloody medical done.
After that very bad afternoon, all we wanted to do was get to starbucks for our interview, and we got more than what we asked - a cab driver who didnt know directions. He told us, 'eh girls, u direct me out of NUS then i go orchard then u tell me where paragon is hor'. Once out of NUS, he said,'you all know the way to orchard not?' WHAT THE HELL. And he claimed that we said we knew the way to orchard. GO DIG EARS LA UNCLE, you asked us if we know the way out, we said yes. FUCKING HELL. So he went by the wrong way, and aishah called her dad for directions only to have her dad yell at the cabbie, who went, 'don't need to shout la, anything talk nicely la'....'okok, i alight you here, don't need to pay me, you take another cab. next time don't know don't say you know ah...' so PEACE at last; except that we were hungry, tired, thirsty and impatient. VIVEK, I think you were the best thing that happened to us the entire day. DIG your company, and please go and study. : )

2006-07-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

FMC's 40th Anniversary was rockin' good; and not without picture whoring moments courtesy of Cassandra's camera. : )

letitia, julie, me, jolene

the two.. erm.. METRO MEN.

us and CASS BABY!

jerms and I high on dance

GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!

2006-07-13T17:58:00.000+08:00

FMC's 40th Anni was a smashin' success. I feel proud, like a mother who's child has just received the President's Scholar title. But of course God deserves His glory, for He is behind everything. I need to thank Cass for giving me so much help even though she's not even part of the church. Babe, I owe you SO much. To the performers, I applaud you for your efforts. :)

There's another dance competition coming up, and the countdown begins. Costumes, banners, unfinished choreography... indeed it is endless. So I've been tired, a tad more reclusive, but happy nonetheless. I regret not helping out with household chores enough, not being able to have daily dinner and tv sessions with my parents. I miss them; talking to them.

Each week I promise myself that I wouldnt be as busy as the week before, but it just doesn't happen. Especially as the start of a new school term inches closer, there is utmost desire to hang out with good ol' pals, already accepting the sad truth that meeting up often will be quite a feat.

I really don't know where this entry is going. But I gather that as much as I want my freedom, I also want THE MOTHER, FATHER and BROTHER to still be prominent figures in my life. Eventually I know they'd fade into the background where ME and whoever else I'm with will resume centrestage. I feel like I'm dreading that moment that I've been yearning for - to grow up.

So, before school starts, I'm looking forward to Baybeats 2006, Explosion Night, dinners, dance classes and a nice home-cooked meal by the beloved mother.

2006-07-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

the streets are a constant mix;
food peddlars make tummies happy
clothes stalls throw me in vanity.
engine roars provide comfort where
the night is cold and lonely.
this is
bangkok revival.

Just got back from Bangkok. I love Thailand, and everything about the country. Even the poverty stricken can manage a smile (however wretched) on their faces. The children enjoy playing in the rain, the vendors so thankful of your little purchases. I bet they have their dreams, as we all do, but perhaps they know it is simply, a dream...

Thanks Cenna, for such a wonderful time. Insane would be more like it. And thank you for putting me up. : )

2006-06-19T12:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Mum,
I promised to be a good girl. I was. Yesterday and today. But what about tomorrow?

2006-06-15T18:19:00.000+08:00

a solitary figure stands still -
the reflection of a perfect arabesque;
smooth turns across the parquet floor.
my dream; my fantasy.

They say the World Cup hasn't started until the yellow and greens enter the field. It was a spectacular fight. Kudos to Croatia, but Brazil has to step it up 100000000000000 notches to clinch that title once again. Maybe they were just testing waters. KAKA is the new RONALDO. Indeed, "This is where legends are born."

2006-06-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

once again i'm thrown into seizures of an uninspired fit; literary constipation. the past weeks have been packed, this week is no different. i realised working life is a sacrifice between something you'd like to do, and something else you need to do. time is an asset and i want more. i want to laze around and have the usual family dinners every night after work. after all, i am mummy's and daddy's little girl.

on the brighter side, world cup has begun and daddy love has agreed to suscribe:). i know i'm going to turn into the soccer-obsessed female with eyebags the size of trucks by 10th july, but the world cup is simply IRRESISTABLE.

2006-06-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

Alcohol took control at our usual sleazy joint last Saturday night. Happy 19th Badu!! :)

subu, me and haja.

"dei, we how tight." -Kh-

2006-06-07T08:55:00.000+08:00

the beats lure us into sinful content -
you stripped me off my guard;
i fell into your caress.

our breaths in perfect harmony as
we dance in the same odd motion.
an instant connection -

this was a deadly encounter.

2006-05-29T22:55:00.000+08:00

saturday night was a blast. let the pixels tell the story.

baby you're my wonderwall.

the sprite bottle was a facade.

the wannabe body builders. tskk.
thanks karthik for being my ic's guardian angel :)
sorry vikram for abusing you.

all of us; and vivek being anti social.

smile like you mean it <3

ue square. 270506. remembered for life.