i've always told people to get over it. move on. i've also detested those who've idled their lives away, always mulling over something they were going to do. yet, i look back upon my own in extreme embarrassment. i've always had big great plans that've never materialised. not having the knowledge to put these into action is no excuse. what with google and books readily available at borders. there're so many things i want to do, and i often spend the time in slumber, or doing other little unimportant things which eventually don't matter. is the drive not enough, or is this plain laziness? i convince myself half-heartedly that inspiration's not coming my way, but that's just another excuse. i think i want instant gratification, and that's impossible. it's something i've got to knock into my head. the semester is beginning. i need to buck up and get my grades in check. as i've mentioned, there're a couple new projects i've embarked on. and i'm going to make them into something. i need to concentrate on one thing at a time. i think that's just the problem.
Just as i thought i've reached a plateau, something has come my way. I'm excited, but i fear criticism. I fear i won't live up to expectations. someone says 'no fear', but there's still a great deal of self-doubt. i shan't let on about what new project i've embarked on. in time to come, rather, when the time is right, i will. a newfound direction, i presume, and something that's always been at the back of my mind. yet, as i progress from one stage to another, i've sacrificed another part of me - dance. i don't even remember the last time i attended class. nostalgia is speaking together with regret.
work's been tiring, even though the hours are relatively short. i love those little terrors. i find joy in rewarding them with stars marked in red ink, as much as sadistic satisfaction sets in when i confiscate their psps or give them a stern dressing down for shabby homework. above all, i've realised truly that education is synonymous with understanding. the importance of foundation cannot be further stressed, and it is an idealistic goal. i hope i'm teaching them as much as they've taught me.
i miss the loosely termed "clique" - you know who you are, outing soon please. i miss waking up late, and regular visits to the gym. and eventually, when school begins, i will miss those little terrors, especially my favourite ball of sunshine.
someone will shoot me sooner or later for not having the pictures uploaded. my sincere apologies, as i've been rather busy of late. yes, i've finally started working. today was my first day, as an english/math tutor to foreign students sitting for the enrollment exams. i think teaching is a career i might eventually consider. i like it. the children might be terrors, or the demands of the job extremely high, but i truly enjoy it. although i might not be the best role model in terms of moral standards (i hardly have any) or 'good' social behaviour, i believe in educating young minds to be knowledge seekers. ask me again in a month and i'd tell you the same thing.
i've been wanting to join AWARE since Dell got involved with them some time last year, but it just never got to my list of priorities. however, recently, it's been hovering at the back of my mind, and i finally remembered to join today. funny how i've been thinking about it the entire day though. i want to participate in their campaigns, and help abused victims. it's something i feel strongly for, i think it's a calling of sorts. friends claim me to be feminist anyway. so, whilst browsing their webpage, i found a few interesting, and noteworthy lines.
"The cock may crow but it's the hen that lays the eggs." - Margaret Thatcher
"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; i only know that people call me a feminist when i express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." - Rebecca West
"Remembering what a rapist looks like isn't the problem. Trying to forget is."
