i've sacrificed my passion for i-don't-know-what. i thought not having the time was a valid excuse, but it made me feel worse. it's been eating me up, these past 6 months. so, i've made it a point. o school, here i come again.
i thought i threw in the towel because school work was overwhelming. apparently not. i have no clue what it was either. not dancing was killing me. i felt no desire to dance without my old team, without ryan. pride and the lack of confidence, perhaps. deep down, i knew i'd never be as good as i wished. and so maybe i thought all this was futile. nevermind now, because i'm back. hopefully it'd revive me.
i'm still struggling. YOU. i'm begging to be free. please. it's been too long. just do something to hurt me. make me hate you. NO! make me indifferent. make yourself not matter to me. because i can't do it alone. the tears have ended, and so has the sorrow. the pain is morbid. i'm holding out fine now; coming to terms that i'd never stop loving you. yet it isn't fair to ask you to do the same. you've moved on, haven't you? well, i guess that'd do for now. when i break, we'll see what happens then. well, you wanted to help me, no?
sometimes i wished i had carried on that wonky life. not turned into someone so practica, and skepticall. then at least i'd live for the moment. be happy there and then; there'd be no past, present or future. each day would be new. now, that would be nice.